You are a redneck if: you've ever held a lifelong grudge over a spelling bee.

(This is from my friend, Mitchell. It was very funny at first when we first heard him say it at lunch, and I figured I would share it.) Yo Momma's so fat, she ate a grenade and the explosion didn't even make it out!

You are a redneck if: you've ever gotten a headache reading the newspaper.

You are a redneck if: you've ever dislodged a sunflower seed from the corner of your eye.

One day, a little boy came up to a man at the park. The boy asked the man, "Why do you have a big nose?" The man answered, "Because...I have big fingers."

Yo momma is so fat , She uses a pillow for a tampon. ------------------------------------ Yo momma is so stupid , That when her boyfriend said, "Lets do it doggie-style tonight," she sat down and licked her ass. ------------------------------------- Yo momma is so dumb , That she was arrested for taking a dump at a construction site next to a sign that read, "Dump waste here." ------------------------------------- Yo momma is so fat , That when she farted, your dad ran away yelling, "It's a tornado. Hide!"

My goal is to find a soulmate. It's not cheating, just multi-tasking.

Which sweet is very clever? A Smartie

Q: Why did the hand cross the road? A: To get to the second-hand shop!

Knock-knock! Who's there? Toby. Toby who? Toby or not toby that is the question!

Q) What is: Black White Black White Black White? A) A nun rolling down a hill.

I've been following the ongoing Evolution vs Intelligent Design controversy, and as a card-carrying botanist, I'm a very strong supporter of Darwin. But still, there are things in life that rational science simply cannot explain. Like Paris Hilton...