You are a redneck if: Your shotgun is named after your girlfriend.

You are a redneck if: you have the same number of teeth as you have fingers.

You are a redneck if: you've ever killed someone over a "kick me" sign.

You are a redneck if: you've ever searched for gold in your grandpa's chest and had your fingers taken off by the booby trap within.

You are a redneck if: you won money of your dead grandpa by playing poker with him.

You are a redneck if: you've ever had to towel dry after a fart.

You are a redneck if: you have a glass eye collection.

You are a redneck if: Your pet groundhog has ever bitten more than one of your thumbs off.

You are a redneck if: one wall of your home is a tarp.

When I was a little boy, I was considered clever for my age. When you were a little boy, you must have eaten paint chips.

Q) How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? A) 25! One to mix the batter and 24 to peel the m&m's.

I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add to it.