Q) What do you call an ant from overseas? A) Important

A cannibal went to a brain store one day because he was craving brains. he decided he wanted to try a musician's brains to see if they taste any different. He looked around and saw the prices. Trumpet Brains-$25.00/pound Trombone Brains-$1.00/pound Percussion Brains- 10.00/pound Tuba Brains-$0.50/pound Colorguard Brains-$0.25/pound Clairinet Brains-$1000.00/pound Flute Brains-$0.50/pound So the cannibal turned and saw a man that worked there. He said to the guy: "Why are the clarinet brains so expensive?" The man replied "DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CLAIRINET PLAYERS YOU HAVE TO KILL TO GET ONE POUND OF BRAINS?"

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

What is Kermit the Frog's middle name? The.

Yo momma so poor, she cleans her shoes with a pencil.

"Wow," said Joan after she saw that her friend got glasses. "You like my new glasses?", asked Peter. "Yep. They make you look really smart.", replied Joan. "I know. That's what my mom said. That's why I wear them in math class."

In the future, man is exploring the universe. Due to the excessive cost, they can only send out small teams of explorers to search and investigate the millions of planets they come across. One such team lands on a barren planet that seems to be just one big rock. As they investigate, their sensors pick up life signs. They follow the sensor until they come up on a large stone sentinel (guard) crouched down with its arms around its legs. They can detect life signs from it, but it doesn't move, doesn't appear to breathe. They call back to their commanders on Earth and report this abnormal situation. Because of this, many great scientific minds, military generals, politicians, and technical wiz

Yo Momma is so fat, that when she finally lost her spare tire, she still had an 18 wheeler to go!

What did the popsicle say to the lollypop as he was leaving? So long, sucker!

What did the lollipop say to the popsicle? 'Cool, dude!'

Hey! Is that your head or did your neck blow a bubble?!

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: Because the chicken had the day off!