Q: Why don't blond chicks date blond guys? A: To avoid inbreeding.

Vini vedi velcro (I came, I saw, I stuck around)

So two farmers are standing next to a cow and one farmer says: 1st guy: "Hey Larry, you know how your birthday's tomorrow?" 2nd guy: "Uh huh." 1st guy: "I made a cake." 2nd guy: "Uh huh." ......*long pause*...... Cow: "Hey Larry, you know how your birthday's tomorrow?" 2nd guy:"Uh huh." Cow: "I made a pie." 2nd guy:"Uh huh."

Here are some things learned in MY lifetime: 1) If you want something very bad and your parents won't let you, give them a lower lip, blink your eyes really fast, and say please 3,000 times until they crack. 2) NEVER ask your dad about Shakespeare or Math homework, unless you want a 5 hour lecture. 3) NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS unless if they have free candy and aren't Michael Jackson. 4) If anyone bullies you, just laugh and think, "MAN!, I can't wait for them to be dead." 5) If you do succeed in something, dont brag, just gloat. 6) When things look bad, give them to the homeless. 7) When you're in a fist fight, ALWAYS KNEE THEM IN THE FAMILY JEWELS then run away until it's De

Q.) Why do homeless people love to go to church? A.) There is always free water.

You Are A Redneck If: You light a match in your bathroom and it blows your house off its wheels!

What do you call a lion wearing a hat? A Dandy Lion.

Q.) Why did the dog go to court? A.) Because it got a barking ticket.

Q: What is a cheerleader's favorite drink? A: Root Beer!

If you ask a Bears fan what his or her two favorite teams are they would be: - The Bears - And whoever the Green Bay Packers are playing.

Mrs. Blondie, do swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you, god? Yes I do. ------------------------------------------------------------ Q. Mrs. Blondie did you ever stay all night with this man in California? A. I refuse to answer that question. Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Michigan? A. I refuse to answer that question. Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami? A. No.

8 dumb headlines! Can you figure out what they are trying to say? 1. Subway Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut -New York times 2. Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link -Cornell Daily Sun 3. Low Wages Said Key To Poverty -Newsday 4. Malls Try To Atract Shoppers- Baltimore Sun 5. Official: Only Rain Will Cure Drought -Westport Herald News 6. Teenage Girls Often Have Babies Fathered By Men- Oregonian 7. Man Shoots Neighbor With Machete 8. Free Advice: Bundle Up When Out In The Cold -Lexington Herald-Leader