A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?". The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000." "That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?" "Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly. The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?" "S

GENERAL MOTORS INTRODUCES NEW INSTANT-WIN AIRBAGS DETROIT-- With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday. The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all of the company's 1997 cars. "Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 1997 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year

Don't steal. The government hates competition.

Did you hear about the blonde who got a pair of waterskis? She's still looking for a lake with a slope!!

What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds mature. Eventually.

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, a tub of cottage chesse, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

Great Thinkers of Our Time? Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." -- Mariah Carey "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similari

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first one to go in, and after filling out the forms and going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her last question: "How many D's are there in "INDIANA JONES?" The brunette thinks for a second and responds "One." The interviewer sends her back with a promise that he'll get back to her after he had interviewed the remaining candidates. The redhead is next. The process goes about the same, and at the end: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES?" She immediately says "One." The interviewer says, "OK, we'll let you know." Then the blonde comes into the room, goes throu