My karma ran over your dogma. Cover me. I'm changing lanes. I'm in no hurry, I'm on my way to work. Hey idiot, hang up! You are driving a car, not a phone booth. Take your time, but hurry. Speed kills, drive slow, get a Honda. 0 to 60... in 15 minutes. If you don't like my driving, stay off the footpath. Why am I the only person on earth that knows how to drive? Forget about world peace... visualize using your turn signal. As a matter of fact, I DO own the road. Evacuate the road!!! STUDENT driving!! Go on speeding, we'll cut you out (of your car ) -- Your Fire Dept. Caution: Driver Sleeping. Don't Think and Drive. Caution I swerve and hit people at random. So many pe

A schoolteacher wanted to show her students how dangerous drinking alcohol could be. She brought a jar of alcohol and an earthworm to class one day to demonstrate its effects. She dropped the worm into the alcohol and it died instantly. She then asked her students what this proved. One student raised his hand and said, "If you drink a lot of alcohol, you won't get worms."

During the Irish Potato famine, a young Irish-Catholic woman was worried about the poverty of her family. She told her parents that she was going to America to seek her fortune. With many tears, they let her go. Years passed, and the woman returned home. She arrived in a private jet, dressed in a gorgeous designer gown, with dazzling, expensive jewelry. Her family was stunned by their daughter's wealth, and a more than a little curious at how she had come by it. The daughter finally confessed. "I hate to tell you this, but the reason I became so rich was because I became a prostitute." Her father immediately collapsed in shock. The doctor was called, and he began to help the man. As the d

"Honk if you hate noise pollution!"

Yo momma so dumb she got hit by a parked car!

If your ex-lover wants you back and you want him to know your serious, here's something you could say: "Come on back and take yo space, 'cuz if you break my heart again, I'll break yo face".

At the end of a T.V. show, why do they say "filmed in front of a live audience?" Well, it wouldn't be a dead audience, would it?

Why do Chickens have no breast? Cause the Rooster has no hands!

Storming into his lawyer's office, a Texas oil magnate demanded that divorce proceedings begin at once against his young bride. "What's the problem?" "I want to hit that adulterin' bitch for breach of contract," snapped the oil man. "I don't know if that will fly," said the lawyer. "I mean your wife isn't a piece of property; you don't own her!" "Damn right," the tycoon rejoined, "but I sure as hell expect exclusive drillin' rights!

The kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. When called upon the first student says, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy." Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." Teacher again replies, "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct." Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher, "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher replied, "No, and that is not a suitable question for class discussion.

A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it. Mom said, 'Sure, sweetie. I'll send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?' 'Uh, oh yeah, OK,' responded the kid. So Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, 'Well how much did you give the boy this time? Mom said, 'Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20, and the other for $1000' 'That's $1020!!!' yelled Dad, 'Are you crazy???' 'Don't worry hon,' Mom said, as she kissed Dad on the on top

The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family. "We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably. "I'm sure we´ll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her. "If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table." "Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby."