Category Jokes -
Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
Yo mamma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo mamma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo mamma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
Yo mamma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
Yo mamma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
A job seeker was interviewing, and the interviewer asked him, "Tell me what is your greatest strength?"
The prospective employee said, "Sir, I am a little bit shy, but should I give you my honest answer?"
The interviewer says, "Of course, yes. I expect nothing but honesty from my staff."
The job seeker says, "Sir, my greatest strength is my wife."
The interviewer was quite impressed with the spousal respect of this man, thought he could be a great member of his team, corporate community and he deserved the job.
So with an intention of offering him the job soon the interviewer tried to wrap up with the last question, "Tell me now, what is your greatest weakness?"
The guy felt encourage
There have been recent terrorist activities in France. Today the had to upgrade their security system from "Run" to "Hide". If things get any worse they'll have to go to "Surrender", and then "Beg for Mercy".
Signs in the USA (mostly)
In front of a New Hampshire restaurant:
"Now serving live lobsters"
On the menu of a restaurant:
"Blackened bluefish"
In a Maine restaurant:
"Open seven days a week and weekends."
In a New Jersey restaurant:
"Open seven days a week and weekends."
On the walls of a Baltimore estate:
"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
-- Sisters of Mercy"
On a long established New Mexico dry cleaning store:
"Thirty-eight years on the same spot."
In a New York drugstore:
"We dispense with accuracy."
In a New York medical building:
"Mental Health Prevention Center"
On a New York convalescent home:
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal
FUNNY ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD!
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Here are some signs and notices written in English that were
discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an
'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevat
Mary Louise Gilman, editor of the National Shorthand Reporter has collected
many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers in two books - Humor in the
Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court, published a few months ago. From
Mrs. Gilman's two volumes, here are some transquips:
Q. What is your brother-in-law's name?
A. Borofkin.
Q. What's his first name?
A. I can't remember.
Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first
name?
A. No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing
to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name!
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Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A. I refuse to answe
SUBJECT: Soap Saga
Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THOSE "FREE" SOAPS WHEN TRAVELLING
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you,
S. Berman
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