Q: Why did the blonde have tire tracks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"

I heard they were going to name a highway after Willie Nelson in Texas... But be Warned: When taking this highway look out for pot holes!

Did you here about the new redneck Barbie doll? It comes with twelve kids, aids, and a welfare check.

One morning, during breakfast, I say, "I had the strangest dream. It was about aliens." My mother asks, "What are aliens?" My father asks, "What kind?"

Yo momma can be used as a weapon: she's so ugly, she'll blind house robbers!

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from KFC

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood

You know how young children have that special hobby of always asking "Why?" Well, one day I went to the bank to pay some bills, and my 4-year-old daughter did just so. "Mommy, why are we coming here?" "So mommy can pay some bills." "Why?" "So that we can keep our house." "Why?" "So that we won't have to live on the streets." "Why?" "Because that's what will happen if we don't pay for our house." "Why?" "Because that's the way it goes." "Why?" "Why do you keeping asking 'why?'." "...why?" "You're being a nuisance." "Why?" "Because you got that from your father." "Why?" "Because your father is a nuisance." "Why?" "I don't know, you go ask HIM and then tell me why."

Knock-Knock! Who's there? Broken tape recorder, Broken tape recorder who? Broken tape recorder, Broken tape recorder, Broken tape recorder, Broken tape recorder, Broken tape recorder...

Knock-Knock! Who's there? Pencil. Pencil who? Pencil fall down if you don't wear a belt.

Knock-Knock! Who's there? Chugga Chugga Chooch Chugga Chugga Chooch Who? Wheeee!! A train! All aboard!

1. San Diego police department, how may we help you? 2. Hi! Would you like to buy a new sofa, fridge or car? What about a vacuum? 3. Hello earthling. I am an alien. You may not know this, but right now, I am having sex with your ear. 4. Let your child answer the phone and tell them to say this: "Will you be my friend?" 5. Burp into the phone. 6. Fart into the phone. 7. Yes, I'd like to order one large mushroom pizza, and cheese sticks... 8. Hello, the president is not in his office at this moment, this is his secretary, can I take a message? 9. Saddam Hussein's headquarters. May I ask why you are calling? 10. Konnichiwa. Aji tunti wahika nu popo bwah? Bunwaf huji toe... (you get the point.)