Two guys are in the woods camping out when a bear attacks them. While the bear sniffs around the food, the first guy starts lacing up his sneakers. The second guys goes, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear!" The first guy replies, "I dont need to; I only have to outrun you."

A drunk is in the bar and crying uncontrollably. The man beside him asks him what's wrong. The drunk says, "I forgot what my wife told me, she said if I went out drinking again she'd divorce me and take the kids." The man says, "Well don't go home yet. It's only 6 p.m. Walk it off" The drunk replies, "GREAT IDEA!" Then he barfs all over his shirt, and now he is crying even more. The man says, "Look... you got 20 dollars on you?" The drunk hands him $20. The man puts the bill in the drunk's shirt pocket and says, "When you get home, tell your wife that some drunk stumbled out onto the street, bumped into you and puked on you. And he gave you $20 for the dry cleaning." The drunk is so happy n

Yo Mama is so fat that the local restaurant says :Maximum occupancy 115 people or yo mama.

Yo Mama is so fat that when she ran away they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

Yo Mama is so ugly, when she looks in the mirror her reflection ducks.

Your momma so fat that when she layed on the beach, four guys from greenpeace tried to throw her back in.

It is said that "it is always in the last place you look" Well of course! Are there some people out there who keep looking after they find it?

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

A horse walked into a bar. The barman said, "Why the long face?"

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I have." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The guy says, "75 cents."

TO: Boss FROM: Blondie RE: Changing Calendars from Y2K I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all of the company calendars for next year. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months: Januark Februark Mak Julk I also changed all the days of each week to: Sundak Mondak Tuesdak Wednesdak Thursdak Fridak Saturdak We are now Y to K compliant. Have a nice dak!!!

Four guys are drinking in a bar, bragging about their sons. "My son," the first one says, "started out washing cars at dealership, but now owns the dealership and just gave one of his friends four new cars of his choice!" "My son," said the second, "started out serving lunch in a real estate office, but now owns the real estate office and just gave one of his friends a new mansion!" "My son," said the third, "started out sweeping the floors at the Stock Exchange, but now practically owns the Stock Exchange and just gave one of his friends a $1,000,000 in stock." "Well," the fourth guy said, "my son's turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He's a gay hairdresser and he has SEVERAL bo