As part of his plan to let the Yanks know that he is not only still alive but ready to kick ass, Saddam sent a letter to George W Bush. The letter was immediately recognised as from the former dictator of Iraq and was detoxified and checked for explosives before being opened. In it was a single sheet of paper with the characters:- 370HSSV 0773H The president couldn't work out what this meant, so he had an aide type a copy and sent it to that very smart man, Donald Rumsfeld. The Secretary of Defence and his aides studied it for a week, using the most powerful code cracking computers the NSA could come up with, and were still stumped .They sent it to Langley, where the CIA similarly had no luc

If you were any more pointless, you would be a circle.

If your IQ was any lower you would trip on it.

Yo momma is so fat when she sits down in class she sits by everyone.

Yo momma is so fat when I put her on the family tree the branch broke.

Yo momma is so fat her belt size is the equator.

A woman went to a wishing well and wished that she could become a better driver. So she turned into a man.

Q: How many Lizzie's does it take to screw up a light bulb A: I Dunno, but it only takes one to screw up a graduation ( from movie lizzie McGuire: she ruins junior high graduation)

Did you hear about the blond who tried to hijack a submarine? She demanded $100,000 and a parachute.

You know something is wrong with today's educational system when you figure out that of the three R's, reading, writing, and arithmetic, only one actually starts with an R.

"It's chilly in here," the wealthy customer sniffed. "Will you please turn down the air conditioner?" "No problem sir," said the waiter. After a few minutes, the man flagged the server again. "Now I'm too warm." "All right," said the waiter. But soon the customer was chilly again. Finally a patron at a nearby table whispered to the waiter, "I commend you for your patience. That guy is certainly keeping you busy." "No he's not," the waiter said with a shrug. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

These two poor kids go to a birthday party at a rich kid's house. The kid is so rich that he has his own swimming pool, and all the kids go in. As they're changing afterwards, one of the poor kids says to the other one, "Did you notice how small the rich kid's penises were?" "Yeah," says his mate, "It's probably because they've got toys to play with."