One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, "Why are you eating grass". The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can't afford a thing to eat." So the laywer said, "Poor guy, come back to my house." The guys then said, "But I have a wife and three kids." The layers told him to bring them along. When they were all in the car, the poor man said, "Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you." The laywer said, "You're going to love it there, the grass is a foot tall."

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After a while, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him. One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?" Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gone down there in the first place. Send him back up here." "No way," replied Satan. "I like having

Sherlock Holmes and his companion Watson are chasing down a criminal and have come to a time in the chase in which it is too late to head back home and too late to keep traveling after him. Considering that they were in the middle of the woods, Holmes, being as smart as he was, figured that this would happen. He had brought along most of the materials that they would need to go camping. They set up camp, putting up their tent, making a fire to cook and for the warmth. Soon, they thought it best to go to sleep. In the middle of the night, Holmes wakes up, and immediately wakes up Watson. After Watson awoke he simply said, "Watson my friend, look up and tell me, what do you see?" After loo

In the words of Albert Einstien "There are two things infinite; the universe and human stupidity," if this doesn't prove one of them, I am not sure what will. (Oh, and let me tell you, this doesn't prove anything about the universe) 1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO. 2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU. 3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE. 4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavored milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT. 5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS. 6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO

Knock knock. Who's there? interrupting cow interrupting co--- MOO

Yo momma so ugly she went into a haunted house and came out with a job application.

Yo momma so stupid she got hit by a parked car.

Yo momma's so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals..."

Yo Mama's so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her dad said, "Yeah! Let's go bury it!"

Yo Mama's so ugly, two guys broke into her apt., she yelled "rape", they yelled "NO!"

Yo Mama's so ugly, I took her to the zoo, and the zookeeper said "I didn't know an animal had escaped."

Your momma is so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.