A young man goes off to college, but about one-third of the way through the semester, he's foolishly squandered the money his parents had given him. "Hmmmm," he wonders. "How am I going to go about getting more dough?" Then he gets and idea and phones his father. "Dad, you won't believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with!" he says. "Why, they have a program here that will teach Rex how to talk!" "That's amazing!" exclaims his father. "How do I get him in that program?" "Just send him down here with $1000," the son says, "I'll get him into the course." So his father sends the dog and the $1000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, he again runs out of money.

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items in front of him. When the class began, he picked up a very large, empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, approximately two inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full and they agreed that it was. Next, he picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So, he picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He again asked the students if the jar was full. They responded with a unanimo

The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen. "Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer." One student replied: "You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building." This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was in

"I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy." "Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his friends. "I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."

1. All of you, stand in a straight circle. 2. I have two daughters, and both are girls! 3. Both the three of you get out of the class. 4. I saw you with my wife.....in the theatre. 5. Open the windows let the Airforce come in. 6. Boys go to the right, girls to the left. The rest follow me. 7. How dare you look at the monkey outside the window when I'm sitting here!

1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags under your eyes over your head. 2. When the professor calls out your name during attendance, you rhythmically cry out "In da' house!" 3. Your dirty laundry has become the closest thing to wall-to-wall carpeting. 4. Every study group you join gets fed up with your need to take a break for techno and grinding. 5. All your stories begin with, "I was so wasted..." 6. Your Native American name would've been "Man of Running Body Fluids." 7. You refer to sunlight as a "that bright shit." 8. You look forward to the weekdays as a time to relax. 9. Whenever you see a blinking "Do Not Walk" sign, you think how great it would look if you were on ecstas

45 Fun Things to Do on a Paper You Don't Care About 1. Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts. 2. Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual. 3. Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the professor's door. 4. Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada. 5. Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn't. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas. 6. Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking t

This truly happened in an advanced oral English classroom: When the teacher asked the students: "What surprised you most in Tsinghua?" One of them answered, "Well, I'd heard that girls in Tsinghua were terribly ugly before I came here. However, when I arrived here myself, I was surprised to find there's so many pretty girls, some of them are even sexy......" At that, all girls in the room smiled shyly. Then he continued, "But when the holiday was over, I found all of them had gone!"

Dear son, Good luck with your exams tomorrow. I always think that it's best to stay up partying all of the night before an exam. Exam rooms are always a good place to catch up on sleep, because they're silent, and there's nothing to do in them anyway. Love, Dad

Teacher: The weather here is too bad. The winter is too cold, and the summer is too hot. Fortunately, I have an air condition in my room. Oh, do you have air condition in your dorm? Students: (laughing) No way. Teacher: At least you can use a fan, can't you? Students: (upset) No way! The electricity is cut off at 11 o'clock. Teacher: (puzzled) No air condition, no fan, six people in such a small room, and the weather is so hot, how can you sleep? Students: We don't sleep. Teacher: (surprised) Oh, if you don't sleep, how can you study? Students: We don't study, either. Teacher: ...

It was late in the evening and I was studying in the university library's reading room. It was in the middle of final exams, so the library was a hectic place with students milling around everywhere. I was sitting at my desk with my pile of books and felt the need for a nap before I continued with my work. I wasn't asleep long before I was awakened by laughter. To my surprise, everyone who was laughing was also looking at me. I looked around the room, silently pleading for answers, when someone next to me leaned over and whispered, "You were farting in your sleep."

Subject: Students' rights during examinations Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued: Proctor: I beg your pardon? Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale. Proctor: Sorry, no. Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale. At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (rough translation from the Latin):