A kid named Ron lost his mom and dad. He went to the hospital to say, "I wanna baby! Waaaaaaaaaaa!" The nurse said, "You're a male! Males don't have babies! And you're too young!" He died by biting his finger really hard.

I have an 18-year-old; her name is Alexis. I chose that name because if I hadn't had her, I'd be driving one.

Summer was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the summer. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota," he said. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said, "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "Come to think of it, she lives in Ohio."

Henry: Oh my enemies makes me so mad I want to kill them! Phil: I can help you with that. Henry: How? Phil: First, go to the internet cafe. When you are already using the computer make a folder and name it "Your Enemies". After that, delete the folder. Go to the recycle bin and delete the folder again. It should say "Do you really want to delete "Your Enemies"?". Click yes. Now you don't have your enemies any more. They're deleted out of this world. There's no way you can get them back unless you create them. Henry: Oh! Now I can get rid of them; but what if I decide to create them again? How can I create them again? Phil: There's no way you can create them again, Henry. To create them,

This 4-year-old kid is sitting on the couch watching T.V. silently, with an angry look on his face. After a while, his mother notices this and asks him, "Why the long face?" "Well, Mommy, I know that you invited everyone to your wedding. You invited grandpa, grandma, my uncle, your friends and all . . ." "So what's the problem, Sweety?" his mother asks. "WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME?"

Dad, have you got a ladder? Yes; why? I have to write an essay on an elephant!

Johnny comes home from school, and shouts, "Mother!" Mother calls from upstairs, "If you wish to speak to me, come upstairs so you don't have to shout." When Johnny gets upstairs, she says, "Now, what did you want to say to me?" "Just that I trod in some dog do, but it seems to have gone now!"

Would you hit a woman with a baby? No, I'd hit her with a brick.

A schoolteacher is leading her students through a park, and they see a baby hare. These are city kids, and have never seen a hare. "Do you know who this is?" asks the teacher. No one knows. "Come on kids", says the teacher trying to lead the children to the answer, "He's a character in many stories, songs and poems we always read." One student "figures it out," pats the hare and says reverently, "So *that's* what you're like, Grandpa Lenin!"

The following is based off a true story. In my high school english class our english teacher Ms. Simoff had given us homework to do and if we didn't do it we wouldn't be allowed to watch a movie. The next day my friend Jason came in and told the teacher that he did not do his homework. The teacher sent him to another classroom to finish his work. When he asked why he was in trouble Ms. Simoff said, "Because you didn't do what I asked you to last night." The class proceeded to burst into laughter.

Before he left on a business trip, the father took his young son aside. "Terence, I'm trusting you to take care of the family while I'm gone. You're going to be the man of the house." Comprehending the gravity of the situation, Terence replied soberly, "In that case, I'm gonna need the remote."

A twelve-year-old boy received a journal as a birthday gift. He looked at it carefully, but was mystified. "Mom, what's the deal with this book? All the pages are blank," he asked. "That's called a journal," she explained. "You write down interesting stuff that happens to you." His face brightened as he caught her drift. "So it's kinda like a blog, only on paper?"