Little Johnny's 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet. "Johnny," she says, "what comes after 'O'?" Johnny says, "Yeah!"

1. Why are little children sweet-tooths? They keep crying when they can't have candy. 2. Why are little children kindergarteners? Um... they're still learning basic skills, are they not? 3. Why are little children such blanket-connected people? They have read too many Peanut strips and can't resist but be Linus. 4. Why are little children people who like to joke around? They hear their dad's joke with them too often.

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Liberal Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Liberal Democrats too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat is, but wanting to be like their teacher, they all raise their hands. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a liberal Democrat", Lucy replies. Then, asks the teacher, what are you? "I'm a Conservative," replies the Lucy. The teacher is getting slightly angry now, so she asks Lucy why she is a Conservative. "Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an i

I have a new baby cousin named Caroline. She has a big brother named Sam (he just turned 2) and 2 big sisters named Elena and Erica. Well, my aunt was away with her three daughters. It was just my uncle and Sam at home. My uncle and Sam were playing on the floor. My uncle had to fart, but he tried to let it out quietly, but it came out a little louder than he had expected. Then Sam perks up and says "Baby Caroline?"

When my oldest child was about three years old, we took a trip to a local fast food restaurant. I wearing my new favorite article of clothing: a pair of bright pink, elastic waist pants that I'd bought the day before. Although they were a little big on me, I instantly fell I love with them and just had to buy them. So there we were in a popular restaurant with me in my pretty pink pants and my son clinging firmly to his mommy's leg while we looked for a place to sit. It seems that grace does not run in our family, because before we were able to sit down, my son tripped and fell, taking my new pants with him! I could hear the laughter simmering as I stood there bare bottomed, with my hands fu

Mother: Did you eat all the cookies. Tom? Tom: I didn't touch one. Mother: That's strange. There's only one left. Tom: That's the one I didn't touch.

The teacher asks his students to spell the word "before". The first kid tries: "B-E-F-O-H-R." "No", says the teacher, "that's wrong!" Another kid: "B-E-E-F-O-R." "No, no," says the teacher. "Anybody else?" A little boy raises his hand: "B-E-F-O-R-E!" "Now, that's right!" beams the teacher. "Now, Washington, use this word 'before' in a sentence!" and the boy goes: "Two plus two BE FOUR!"

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat. The first kid said, "My dad is so scared that, when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed." "Oh, yeah? That's nothing," said the second kid. "My dad is so scared that, when my mom has to work the night shift, he goes next door to sleep with Mrs. Jones!"

Five year old Becky answered the door when the census taker came by. She told the census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home, because he was performing an appendectomy. "My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?" "Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!"

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand. "That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?" "Sure," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get lonely in the night." "How about transportation? " the father asked. "I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised. Finally, in exasperation, the man asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're l

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway, and after a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found. Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand. "How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked. "We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic; I was looking for $150."

A little girl and a little boy were at day care. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play house?" He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?" The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your thoughts." "Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what you mean." The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."