Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen, she lay in eager anticipation the lovely breakfast her helpful, caring children were making for her. However, after a good long wait, she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. "As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning. He got to thinking about things, and asked, "Mommy, why does Daddy have so little hair on his head?" "He thinks a lot, dear," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a such good answer to her husband's baldness. "Then why do you have so much hair?" asked Little Johnny.

Willie was quite a boy to have round the house. Willie, at a passing gent, Threw a batch of fresh cement, Crying, "Wait until you dry. Then you'll be a real hard guy." ***** Little Willie, home from school, Where he'd learned the Golden Rule, Said, "If I eat all this cake, Sis won't have a stomach-ache." ***** Little Willie on his bike, Through the village took a hike. Mrs. Thompson blocked the walk. She will live, but still can't talk. ***** Little Willie lit a rocket, Which his dad had in his pocket, Next day he told Cousin Dan, "Daddy is a traveling man." ***** Little Willie in the best of sashes, Fell in the fire and was burned to ashes. By and by the room grew chilly, But no on

A boy was working on circumferences for homework when his mother came in and said, "Do you want some pie?" The boy replied, "Sure." So the mother was saying "3.141592..." over and over and then said, "Want some ratio?"

Gregory was a boy who was always beaten up by a bully who everyone called: "The Demon". Everyday, "The Demon" would punch Gregory in the stomach without any warning. And Gregory always got a stomachache. Now, Gregory wasn't very smart. He often confused things with other things and ended up in trouble. But Gregory didn't know. And Gregory had 7-9 fears and takes them seriously. He has a fear of telling a teacher on someone, so that's a reason why he's letting The Demon punch him. The doctor told him that if he continued to be punched, that he would get a stomach bruise - which wasn't good at all. So, Gregory and his father were having a father-to-son conversation about this problem. "Son

Sam Krypton was a boy who hated meatloaf, but he knew that every time he didn't eat it, he lost a chance for ice cream, his favorite thing to eat. So today, he decided to eat it, and try and forget about the taste. He ate it up, and said, "THIS MEATLOAF WAS DELICIOUS!" His mother was pleased, and gave him ice cream. The next week, his mother gave him a large serving of meatloaf, expecting him to eat it all up. Sam forgot about what he did last week. He was looking out the window - then, a moment later, he said, "Eww! What smells?"

A little girl was sat in science, when she wet herself. She goes to her teacher and says "I've wet myself". The teacher asks "Why didn't you put your hand up?" She replies "I did, but it just ran down my hand!"

Little Johnny's 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet. "Johnny," she says, "what comes after 'O'?" Johnny says, "Yeah!"

1. Why are little children sweet-tooths? They keep crying when they can't have candy. 2. Why are little children kindergarteners? Um... they're still learning basic skills, are they not? 3. Why are little children such blanket-connected people? They have read too many Peanut strips and can't resist but be Linus. 4. Why are little children people who like to joke around? They hear their dad's joke with them too often.

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Liberal Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Liberal Democrats too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat is, but wanting to be like their teacher, they all raise their hands. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a liberal Democrat", Lucy replies. Then, asks the teacher, what are you? "I'm a Conservative," replies the Lucy. The teacher is getting slightly angry now, so she asks Lucy why she is a Conservative. "Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an i

I have a new baby cousin named Caroline. She has a big brother named Sam (he just turned 2) and 2 big sisters named Elena and Erica. Well, my aunt was away with her three daughters. It was just my uncle and Sam at home. My uncle and Sam were playing on the floor. My uncle had to fart, but he tried to let it out quietly, but it came out a little louder than he had expected. Then Sam perks up and says "Baby Caroline?"

When my oldest child was about three years old, we took a trip to a local fast food restaurant. I wearing my new favorite article of clothing: a pair of bright pink, elastic waist pants that I'd bought the day before. Although they were a little big on me, I instantly fell I love with them and just had to buy them. So there we were in a popular restaurant with me in my pretty pink pants and my son clinging firmly to his mommy's leg while we looked for a place to sit. It seems that grace does not run in our family, because before we were able to sit down, my son tripped and fell, taking my new pants with him! I could hear the laughter simmering as I stood there bare bottomed, with my hands fu