One day, two children are bickering on the playground. Kid 1: My mom says that kids who get whatever they want are spoiled and rotten and stuck-up. Kid 2: Well, I'm not spoiled. Kid 1: Yeah, you are, you get everything you want. Kid 2: I don't get everything I want. Kid 1: Yeah, you do. Kid 2: No, I don't, because I "want" you to shut-up!

Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. - Socrates (470 - 399 BC)

Covina, Calif: I recall reading something years ago about the Pledge of Allegiance. Some child thought it began, "I led the pigeons to the flag." Cleveland, Ohio: When I was little, I often wondered who Richard Stands was. You know - "I pledge allegiance to the flag and to the Republic for Richard Stands."

Some of the replies given by a group of five to seven year olds from New York State who were asked, "How are babies made?" "Mom makes babies with Dr. Roberts. I dunno how they do it." "If a man and a woman love each other very, very much, the woman will grow a baby inside her body." "Dad has a carrot that he plants in Mom's cabbage patch. About a year later the baby has been grown." "Mom collects the babies from the hospital where they are born somehow." "Mom takes a pill every day and it's a baby pill. It makes a baby grow inside her tummy. When it's one year old it comes out of her and cries." "Mom and Dad are happy together and then a baby comes along." "The father gives the mother

It was the first day of school and I had gotten a serious scrape on my knee so I asked my friend Jesse to write down notes for me while I went to the nurse. Now, it was the first day of school and there were no notes written on our notebooks and neither of us had written our names on them, so when I came back the next and asked him to give me back my notebooks, he couldn't tell which was mine and which was his, so we both decided that we'd take either one. Near the end of the school year Jesse got in trouble for stealing my notebook. After he got in trouble (with 3 days detention) I asked him why he stole my notebook. He showed me a small note on the back of what we had thought was his noteb

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen, she lay in eager anticipation the lovely breakfast her helpful, caring children were making for her. However, after a good long wait, she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. "As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning. He got to thinking about things, and asked, "Mommy, why does Daddy have so little hair on his head?" "He thinks a lot, dear," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a such good answer to her husband's baldness. "Then why do you have so much hair?" asked Little Johnny.

Willie was quite a boy to have round the house. Willie, at a passing gent, Threw a batch of fresh cement, Crying, "Wait until you dry. Then you'll be a real hard guy." ***** Little Willie, home from school, Where he'd learned the Golden Rule, Said, "If I eat all this cake, Sis won't have a stomach-ache." ***** Little Willie on his bike, Through the village took a hike. Mrs. Thompson blocked the walk. She will live, but still can't talk. ***** Little Willie lit a rocket, Which his dad had in his pocket, Next day he told Cousin Dan, "Daddy is a traveling man." ***** Little Willie in the best of sashes, Fell in the fire and was burned to ashes. By and by the room grew chilly, But no on

A boy was working on circumferences for homework when his mother came in and said, "Do you want some pie?" The boy replied, "Sure." So the mother was saying "3.141592..." over and over and then said, "Want some ratio?"

Gregory was a boy who was always beaten up by a bully who everyone called: "The Demon". Everyday, "The Demon" would punch Gregory in the stomach without any warning. And Gregory always got a stomachache. Now, Gregory wasn't very smart. He often confused things with other things and ended up in trouble. But Gregory didn't know. And Gregory had 7-9 fears and takes them seriously. He has a fear of telling a teacher on someone, so that's a reason why he's letting The Demon punch him. The doctor told him that if he continued to be punched, that he would get a stomach bruise - which wasn't good at all. So, Gregory and his father were having a father-to-son conversation about this problem. "Son

Sam Krypton was a boy who hated meatloaf, but he knew that every time he didn't eat it, he lost a chance for ice cream, his favorite thing to eat. So today, he decided to eat it, and try and forget about the taste. He ate it up, and said, "THIS MEATLOAF WAS DELICIOUS!" His mother was pleased, and gave him ice cream. The next week, his mother gave him a large serving of meatloaf, expecting him to eat it all up. Sam forgot about what he did last week. He was looking out the window - then, a moment later, he said, "Eww! What smells?"

A little girl was sat in science, when she wet herself. She goes to her teacher and says "I've wet myself". The teacher asks "Why didn't you put your hand up?" She replies "I did, but it just ran down my hand!"