I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell, so I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that - and I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome. Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a

One day, Bob's class was assigned to write down everything they heard at home. When Bob got home, he heard his mom and dad fighting. "Shut up" he heard his dad say. Bob wrote that down. Next he went to his sister's room. She was chatting on-line. It just so happened that she said everything she typed. "Duh!" Bob heard her saying. Bob wrote that down. After that, he went to the living room were he heard his little brother saying, "Super Man!" Bob wrote that down. Last, he went near the bathroom were his grandpa was singing, "Every day, the whole day, in the bathroom." Bob wrote that down. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The next day at school, The teache

Little Johnny was playing in the playground when he looks over and sees two teenagers having sex. He runs over to his mum who tells him that they are making 'cupcakes'. He then goes on and continues playing. He then sees two 20 year olds getting naked in the sand box. He runs over to his mum and asks what they are doing. She again tells him that they are making 'cupcakes'. The next morning Little Johnny's mum asked him if he had a good sleep. He replies no. He then goes on "You and daddy were making a lot of noise when you were making 'cupcakes' last night". She Replies "And how do you know we were making "cupcakes?" He then says with a huge grin on his face. "I licked the icing off the

There were 3 boys named trouble, jackass, and manners. They were playing a game of hide and seek. Trouble was counting, manners was hid up in a tree, and jackass was hiding behind the same tree. A police man walks over to jackass and says "I'll give you a lollipop if you tell me your name". He then replies, "jackass." The police man says where are your manners, he then points up in the tree. The police man says, "are you looking for trouble". Trouble then says "no trouble is looking for me."

A little boy walks into his parents' room and sees his parents having sex. "And you smack me for sucking on my thumb, Mommy?!?", the boy exclaims. A little boy asks his mom where babies come from. "Well from the stork," Mom replies. "So then who fucks the stork?", The kid asks.

A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience. The man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew." "Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?" "Just once," the man replied. The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?" The man said, "I was looking for my father."

Girl: "Have you ever been caught been wearing your mother's bra? Boy: "No!" Girl: "So you have worn them but not been caught?"

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he'd like to eat. "I'll have some fuckin' French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin' French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don't know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don't want the fuckin' French toast."

The teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new checking account. "The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store," his mother said. "Oh good," he replied, "Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!"

A boy comes home from school saying, "3rd grade math has way bigger numbers than 2nd grade!" His dad replies, "Don't worry, when you start getting a paycheck they get smaller again."

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?" "Fertilizer," the farmer replied. "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy. "Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer. "You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."

St. Paul, MN The hit movie "Home Alone" about a boy thwarting burglars with imaginative mayhem, wasn't total fantasy. Just ask the guy who tried to break in while 13-year-old Ryan Hendrickson was home alone. Ryan was watching television Wednesday night when he heard a noise that sounded like a window screen being cut. "I ran to the closet and grabbed a bat," Ryan said Thursday. "I went...into the dining room, where I saw him cutting the window with a knife. He put his left hand in first and I was waiting for his right hand to come in...and I took the baseball bat and I hit him as hard as I could." The man ran. Ryan called 911. Police, while cautioning Ryan to call 911 first next time, d