One day there were 3 children that were sent to the head of the school's office. Their names were Fly, Dick and Piss. When they got there, no one was there so Fly hid on the desk, Dick hid under the desk and Piss started to jump around. When the head of the school got there he said "Fly down, Dick up and Piss on the floor!"

Four-year-old Robert tells his kindergarten teacher that he has a new baby brother, called Spot. "Spot?" says the teacher. "Are you sure it's not a puppy your Dad bought you?" Robert was adamant that his brother's name was Spot - until next morning, when he issued a correction. "Actually, it's Mark."

It's more fun to color outside the lines. If you're gonna draw on the wall, do it behind the couch. Ask why until you understand. Even if you've been fishing for 3 hours and haven't gotten anything except poison ivy and a sunburn, you're still better off than the worm. Make up the rules as you go along. It doesn't matter who started it. Ask for sprinkles. If the horse you're drawing looks more like a dog, make it a dog. Save a place in line for your friends.

Sometimes you have to take the test before you've finished studying. If you want a kitten, start out asking for a horse. Picking your nose when no one else is looking is still picking your nose. Just keep banging until someone opens the door. Making your bed is a waste of time. There is no good reason why clothes have to match. Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to. You work so hard pedalling up the hill that you hate to brake on the way down. You can't ask to start over just because you're losing the game.

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? John: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ Teacher: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? Clyde: No, teacher, it's the same dog. ___________________________________ Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps

How does the butcher introduce his wife Meat Patty

"What shall we play today?" Cori asked her best friend Judy. "Let's play 'school'!" said Judy. "Okay," said Cori, "But I'm going to be absent."

An eight year old girl tried checking a book out of the library, entitled 'Advice for Young Mothers'. The librarian, being a typically nosey and puritanical librarian, asked, "Why do you want to check out this particular book, dear?" The little girl replied, "Because I collect moths."

A little boy walked into a petshop and went up to a clerk. The boy asked if she had dachshunds in the store. The clerk said yes, and she went and got the dog out of the cage and handed it to him. He got all excited when he held it and immediately went to the checkout and gave the clerk a check for $100, that he said was his birthday money. He was so excited and anxious that the clerk asked why he wanted that dog so much, and not a big dog like most boys got when they came in. He replied, "I've always wanted to be a cowboy and now I can, because the song says 'Get along little dogie!'"

One day, Little Johnny and his family went for a walk they saw two dogs having sex, girl on top of boy. Johnny didn't know much about sex, so his parents didn't say anything. Later that night, Johnny's parents were having sex and Johnny walked in on them. Before his parent's could say anything, Johnny yelled out, "Mom get on top of dad. Hurry, because I want a puppy!!"

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. __________________________________________ TEACHER: John,why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?" GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L" TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. _______________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H-I-J-K

A lady named Annala had 4 children. They didn't spent a lot of time together. One day Annala's husband said,"How about having a picture contest, so we can have a great time! We can invite the whole family; Grandma, Grandpa, and the rest of the gang!" The mother accepted the challenge. The day of the picture contest everyone was there. So far everyone had very lovely pictures. A picture of a flower, a picture of a cat, a picture of a dog, and a picture of a duck. The youngest child was the last. Everyone was cheering while he was presenting. He proudly announced, "This great picture I made is of my mommy and daddy wrestling on the bed!"