My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. Their Disney password was "GoofyMickeyMinniePluto" and I asked why it was so long. "Because," my son explained, "they said it had to have at least four characters."

Two kids were bragging about the toys they owned. One of them said, "This is Action Man! He's been in Viet Nam, Operation Desert Storm, Iraq - and the vacuum cleaner twice!"

Little Bobby had been searching through a stationer's stock of greeting cards for some time when a clerk asked, "Just what is it you're looking for? A birthday greeting, message to a sick friend? An anniversary, or a congratulations to your mom and dad?" Little Bobby shook his head and answered, "No. Er...got any blank report cards?"

A family had lived in Brooklyn for three years, and their eight-year-old son had attended a Brooklyn public school for the past two years. The people of Brooklyn are renowned for their unusual, if not unique, manner of speaking, and the two years of school had given the young fellow an accent that would be recognizable anywhere in the English-speaking world. The parents were concerned about this, for they were from Virginia, and did not think it proper that their son should speak in such a manner...excuse me, mannah. They were well-to-do, so they imported a nanny from their home state, with instructions to Get The Brooklyn Out Of That Boy's Mouth. Saturday morning, the nanny took the lad

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!" The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from. The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheels while he sat in the tree." The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your undies?" "Ohhhh" said the little girl. The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars." The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?" The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."

Harassment: The teacher asked Paco to use "harassment" in a sentence. Paco smiles and says......... "Orale vato (homeboy)...Mi ruca (my girl) caught me in bed with my sancha (lover), pero ( but) that's okay porque (because) I told her that... HAR ASS MENT nothing to me."

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?" "No, I don't," said the little boy. "OK, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work." Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!"

Matt's dad picked him up from school one afternoon. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part. Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years." "That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

Jabu walked into class every morning with a black eye. After a while his teacher got worried and asked him about it. Jabu answered, "Our house is very small, Miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep in the same bed. Every night my father asks, 'Jabu are you sleeping?' I say, 'no' and then he hits me and gives me a black eye." So the teacher says to him, "When your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer." The following morning, Jabu comes to school and his eye is fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. But the day after that Jabu comes back with a black eye again. "My goodness Jabu, why the black eye again?" He tells her, "Ma'am, Dad asked me again, 'Jabu are you

On a trip to see Santa, little Johnny climbed into St. Nick's lap and shared his wish list. Later that day, in another store, there was Santa again! "And what would you like for Christmas?" he asked little Johnny. Shaking his head, Johnny sighed, "You really need to write these things down."

HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE? "When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour." Wendy, age 8. "Mooshy...like puppy dogs...except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." Arnold, age 10. "All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." Shem, age 8. CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE "One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." Andrew, age 6. ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE "Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." John, age 9. REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE "Love is the most important thing in

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE "I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'Dinosaurs' is on television." Jill, age 6. "Love is foolish.....but I might try it sometime." Floyd, age 9. "Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place...we were behind a tree." Carey, age 7. THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER "Sensitivity don't hurt." Robbie, age 8. SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU "Shake your hips and hope for the best." Camille, age 9. "Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs...and don't worry if their parents are right there." Manuel, age 8. HOW CAN YOU TELL IF ADULTS EATING DINNER IN A RESTAURANT ARE