"Have you ever had a tick before?" asked Mel. "No, I've only ever had crosses," replied Sally.

Teacher: Vincent, not to be presumptuous, but your short story is truly fantastic. Did you really write it? Vincent: Yes, I wrote, while my mother dictated...

Steve is playing with his 3 friends at his tree in the back garden, and his mum comes out and shouts, "If all four of you fall out of that tree and break both legs, then don't come running to me!"

A detective was questioning a burglary suspect. "Where were you between five and six?" he asked. "In kindergarten!" he replied

A young boy called to his mother from the yard, "Mom, would you rather me fall out of a tree and break my arm or just tear a hole in my Sunday slacks?" "Well," she replied, "I guess I'd pray that you just ripped your pants." The kid yells back, "Your prayers have been answered!"

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," says the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you." "But everyone pees in the pool," whined Little Johnny. "Maybe," answered the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"

A little boy wrote this letter to his grandmother: Dear Grandmother, I'm sorry I forgot your birthday last week. It would serve me right if you forgot mine next Tuesday. With love, Mike

It was the first day of school and this girl's teacher asked her what her name was. She said "Texas." The teacher said, "Haha, no really, what's your name?" and the girl said, "Texas," so the teacher said, "Go to the principal's office." The principal said, "What's your name?" She replied, "Texas." He said, "Funny, what's your name?" and she said, "Texas," so he sent her home. As Texas was walking home, a guy stopped her and said, "What's your name?" She said, "Texas." He said, "That's funny. No, really, what's your name?" She said, "Texas." He said, "I will stab you with my mother's butcher knife if you don't tell me what your real name is," and she said, "IT'S TEXAS!" so he stabbed her. Wh

A lady lost her handbag during a day of shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty singles." The boy replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have change for a reward."

Josh was never the most gifted child, but for this he couldn't really be blamed. His mother, Maria, was no better than him. However, the singular talent that he possessed was an odd one: He could memorize everything he ate. His mother didn't see this as satisfactory, but she decided to put his talent to good use; how you ask? Simply by writing, "Brilliant! Be brilliant!" on his lunch bag!

The Fandersan family is a family with two parents and two kids. One day, Mr. Fandersan decided to bring home a state of the art moterhome. When he got home with the motorhome, he left it in the driveway. He then went to bed. But, the next day it was missing. On the driveway there was a note. It said, "We have stolen the motorhome." The parents were freaked out!! "This is a parent's worst nightmare!! Our kids have stolen the car AND are home alone!!!"

One day, at lunch at an elementary school, the cafeteria was serving swiss cheese. A little girl received her meal and was disgusted by it. "Miss lunch lady," she said at the end of the line, "I don't like the holes in my cheese." "That's okay," she said. "Just eat around them and leave them on your plate."