Jokes
Category Jokes - Children
There was this lady who was in the shower and her little boy walked in on her taking a shower & he saw her pubic hairs and says: "Mommy what's that?" as he pointed down to her. "Well, that's Mommy's washcloth." The next day he walked in on her again, and asked her again. She says it was her washcloth. Well, this time when he walked out she shaved it off because she got tired of him asking. So the next day when he walked in on her, he asks: "Mommy what happened to your washcloth?" "Uh, Mommy lost it." So the little boy walked out. The next day he walked in on his mom and says: "Hey Mommy, the maid found your washcloth. She is washing Daddy's face with it!"
A six-year-old boy came home from playing at his friend's house and told his mother that he had broken a lamp when he threw a football. "It's all right, mum," he said, brightly; "you don't have to buy them another! Charlie's mum said it was irreplaceable!"
Little Johnny's mother took him to a supermarket to buy some food. "Anything you break comes out of your allowance money!" shouted Johnny's mother. Johnny turned around and said "But you don't give me any allowance money!" "Yes, and now you know why."
What did the mama broom say to the little broom? Go to sweep little one.
Three mischievous boys went to the zoo one day for an outing, since they had been at school all week. They decided to visit the elephant cage, but soon enough, they were picked up by a cop for causing a commotion. The officer hauled them off to security for questioning. The supervisor in charge asked them to give their names and tell what they were doing at the elephant cage. The first boy innocently said, "My name is Gary, and I was just throwing peanuts into the elephant cage." The second added, "My name is Larry, and all I was doing was throwing peanuts into the elephant cage." The third boy was a little shaken up and said, "Well, my name is Peter, but my friends call me Peanuts."
Billy-Bob returns from school and tells his father he got an "F" in Arithmetic today. "Why?" asks his father. "The teacher asked, 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said, '6'". "But that's right," said his father. "Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'." "What's the fucking difference?" asks his father. "That's what I said!"
In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how society's ideal of beauty changes with time. "For example," he said, "take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five feet, one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she'd do in today's version of the contest?" The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, "Not very well." "Why is that?" asked the professor. "For one thing," the student pointed out, "She'd be way too old!"
Anyways, there was an assembly at school and they had us sit on bleachers inside the main gym. Then I notice one of my friends walk in and since there's a space next to me, I decide to call him over. But the thing is, his nickname is fire, because of his bright red hair. So I yell out FIRE! loud enough for him to hear me over the noise. Then I realize what I just did... everyone in my section of the bleachers just stared at me until a teacher came and pulled me off to the side for a little talk. This has been a Stupid Drunky Moment. (By the way, if you think I'm stupid, think about the other students. If someone yells fire, you run, you don't turn around and stare at him. Idiots.
A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold." At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, why did you call God 'Harold'?" The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name..."
A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer." After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?" "Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties. The Priest calls the girl and gives her $20 and says, "Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties. It's not proper to walk around without any panties on." The girl goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy panties for her. When the mother asks where the girl got the money, the girl explained what happened. Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her panties, and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs out to the church. As soon as the mother see
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game; the optimist's room he loaded with horse manure. That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly. "Why are you crying?" the father asked. "Because my friends will be jealous, I'll hav
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