Teacher: John, why is your cat at school today? John: (crying)..I heard the milkman tell mom.."When the kid goes to school i'm gonna eat your pussy!"

1. During recess time, I like skipping rope. When I skip I shout a rhyme, And jump with all my hope. 2. I didn't study for the test even though I should've. I was playing PS2 and I would've, so I copied off of yours, I got them all wrong, so now I sing this song. (sing over and over this is an endless song.) 3. Some gum chum? It's watermelon, although I chewed it some, and it is jerybellum. (jerybellum - bubble gum co.)

There once was a small jokester called Joey, who was visting at his Grandpa's. Now Grandpa was rather short of temper, so after Joey had been standing in the doorway for 5 minutes, trying to decide whether or not to go outside, he said, ''Hurry up, now will you?'' Joey turned around and frowned. ''Keep your hair on,'' he grumbled. Seeing Grandpa's bald head, he giggled, ''Opps! To late!''

A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!" The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry?" he said. "Then I'll come home and eat!" bravely declared the child. "And what if you run out of money?" "I will come home and get some!" readily replied the child. The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirty?" "Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply. The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!"

My little sister recently asked me: "Why does the conductor of the band always wave his magic wand, but the players never disappear?"

A mother explained to her daughter, "We didn't have TVs not to long time ago, sweetie." She looks at her mother strangely and asks, "Then how did they play their VCR's?

"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor blade." "Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?" "Yeah, I shaved with the electric razor."

Little Johnny Clever was in Mrs. Gleason's 3rd grade class for just a couple of weeks when he ran home to his mom and showed her a little 3x3 piece of paper. It had the word "Homework" crossed out in a circle with a slash (the very same you see with no smoking signs) "What is this?" The mother said inquiringly. "Its a no homework pass mommy! I raised my hand the most in class. All you have to do is sign it and I dont have to do any homework for tonight!" says Johnny excitedly! 'Well thats a good thing to keep kids interested in the subject and class participation. I bet this teacher's been teaching for quite a while!' thought his mother as she signed the slip for him. So the next d

When I was younger my father always told me to be more lady like and civil. I decided to teach him a lesson. When we arrived at his mothers house there were donuts on the table. We sat around and talked(and munched) I soon got up to excuse myself saying "I have to pee." Dad reminded me that there was a better way to put that. "I'm sorry" I said "I have to powder my nose like a racehorse."

The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"

Boy: May I hold your hand? Girl: It isn't very heavy. I think I can carry it myself.

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids... "WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???" "Yep they are all mine," the flustered mumma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy. All the children rush to find seats. "Well," says the social worker, then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names." "This one's my oldest - he is Leroy." "OK, and who's this one?" Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy! "All right..." says the