BOB: Have you changed the water in the fish bowl yet? MARGE: No, it hasn't drunk the water I gave it a week ago.

One night, a little boy and his father were having a conversation. The father asked the boy, "Can you say your ABC's, son?" "Yes I can! A...B..C..." and he goes through the whole alphebet. The father then said, "That's good, but can you say it backwords?" The boy smiles and says, "yeah", so he turns around and says, "A...B...C..."

Dick and Jane were arguing over the breakfast table. "Oh you're so stupid!" shouted Dick. "Dick!" said their father, "That is enough! Now say you're sorry!" "Okay," said Dick, "I am sorry you're stupid."

Child 1: Whatcha gonna do? Child 2: I'm gonna watch TV! Child 1: Guess what? I'm the QUEEN of the TV Freaks!

One day Tommy was sitting in class, the teacher came over and told him to go out in the hallway. He got mad and he didn't move. Five minutes later, she came back over to him and tapped him on the shoulder. "I thought I told you to go out in the hallway." "I did," He told her lying through his teeth. "Ok then, so what did you do with your gifts?" she asked. "What gifts?" "Your mom was outside in the hallway holding some gifts for you for your birthday, did you not see her or were you lying to me?" So he ran outside the class but his mom was gone. He was very upset but as he was walking back into the class, the teacher said, "Gotcha, that will teach you to d

Teacher: John, why is your cat at school today? John: (crying)..I heard the milkman tell mom.."When the kid goes to school i'm gonna eat your pussy!"

1. During recess time, I like skipping rope. When I skip I shout a rhyme, And jump with all my hope. 2. I didn't study for the test even though I should've. I was playing PS2 and I would've, so I copied off of yours, I got them all wrong, so now I sing this song. (sing over and over this is an endless song.) 3. Some gum chum? It's watermelon, although I chewed it some, and it is jerybellum. (jerybellum - bubble gum co.)

There once was a small jokester called Joey, who was visting at his Grandpa's. Now Grandpa was rather short of temper, so after Joey had been standing in the doorway for 5 minutes, trying to decide whether or not to go outside, he said, ''Hurry up, now will you?'' Joey turned around and frowned. ''Keep your hair on,'' he grumbled. Seeing Grandpa's bald head, he giggled, ''Opps! To late!''

A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!" The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry?" he said. "Then I'll come home and eat!" bravely declared the child. "And what if you run out of money?" "I will come home and get some!" readily replied the child. The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirty?" "Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply. The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!"

My little sister recently asked me: "Why does the conductor of the band always wave his magic wand, but the players never disappear?"

A mother explained to her daughter, "We didn't have TVs not to long time ago, sweetie." She looks at her mother strangely and asks, "Then how did they play their VCR's?

"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor blade." "Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?" "Yeah, I shaved with the electric razor."