Seeing her son is still in bed, Mary goes to wake him up for school. When she wakes him up he says, "But I don't want to go to school mom." Mary quite annoyed at this childlike behaviour says, "Well why not? You have to go." The son replies, "But I don't like it. The kids are mean to me, the teachers hate me, and everyone makes fun of me." Mary calmly replies, "I'm sorry son. But you MUST go to school!." The son says, "But whyyyy?" Mary annoyed at the delay says, "Because you're the damn principal!"

A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the family room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. The girl looked at her dad and said, "It was Mom." "How do you know?" "She didn't say anything."

I'd had a pretty hectic day with my four-year-old. When bed-time finally came, I laid down the law: "We're putting on your p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it's lights out!" Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and she said, "We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls who don't have mommies and daddies." Even after I'd been such a grouch, I thought, she was still grateful to have me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, "Maybe you could go be THEIR mom?"

"Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son." "OK: He's most likely suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery." "How can you say all that without even meeting him?" "I thought you said he's 13?"

One time, when I was a kid, I forgot to do my homework, so I stole someone else's and turned it in. After class, the teacher pulled me over. She asked why I didn't turn in the homework. I said, guess I forgot to change the name on it!

A mom was out walking with her 4 year old daughter. the child picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. The mother asked her not to do that. "Why?" "Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs." At this point, the child looked at her mom with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh," the mom was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, "Um, it's on the mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a mommy." "Oh." They walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but the child was evidently pondering this new information. "I get it!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the dad

Timmy had been having a hard time in math class and got an 'F' on almost all of his report cards. His mom thought he'd be better off if he went to a private Catholic school. The very first day of school Timmy came home, went straight to his room and began working until he finally just fell asleep on his bed. This continued for a long time until he got his first report card from the new school and his mom was so proud when he got an 'A' in Math. She said, "I knew you'd do better in a private school." Then she says how did you do so well?" and Timmy replies, "When I walked in and saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business."

One night Aggie says to George "Think I'll go to bingo the night George... when I'm gone you make sure the youngsters get in and go to bed" Now George and Aggie had thirteen kids the last time they counted. So when Aggie went off to bingo, George went out and made the youngsters come in and get to bed. For about three or four hours, one little boy kept crying and crying, so George takes off up with a split and hits the floor, the little boy cries harder and harder. George sputters out "What are you bawling about?" The little boy replies "I want to go to me own home."

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down. Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybo

A little girl got on her grandpa's lap and said, "Did God make me?" "Yes," the grandpa replied. "Did God make you, too?" "Yes," the grandpa said. "Well," the little girl said, while running her fingers down his wrinkles and looking at his thinning hair, "He sure is doing a better job nowadays."