It was the first day of school for little Jimmy. The teacher asked him, "What's 1+1?" Jimmy replied, "3". The teacher said, "You go back home and ask your family what the answer is." So, little Jimmy goes back home. He asks his father, who was having a conversation with his friend, "Daddy, what's 1+1?" The father replied impatiently, "Shut up!" So, little Jimmy asks his mother, "Mommy, what's 1+1?" His mother, who was watching a show about George Bush on TV, carelessly responded, "George Bush." Then Jimmy goes to his sister, "What's 1+1?" The sister was having a hot bath and she replied, "Oooohhhh, aahhhh". Finally, Jimmy sees his brother, "What's 1+1?" he asked. Jimmy's brother was just

How do the kids of dentists get around the neighborhood? On Molar-Skates

The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again."

BOB- We were learning about fractions today in math class. JOE- Oh, really? What did you learn? BOB- One half of what I was supposed to!

Little johnny walked into a club where people were doing the macarena. He watched them for a while, and asked someone: "What are you guys doing? Searching for your wallets?"

A middle school student was working at a shop for his after-school job. He had on a Dairy Queen shirt. A kindergarten student walked up to him and said, "Wow, I have 3 of those shirts! You must be cheap!"

There once were two babies both in the same room, with their cribs next to each other. After their mom tucked the babies in for sleep, one baby went to the other baby and said, "I can tell if you are a girl or a boy." The other baby said, "OK, what am I then?" The baby went under the other babies blanket and came up a minute later, and said with a grin on his face, "You are a girl and I am a boy." The second baby asked, "And how do you know that?" The baby replied, "I know because you have pink slippers and I have blue slippers."

One day a little boy was at kindergarten. The teacher told the class their homework was to find the first five letters of the alphabet. When the little boy got home he went to his older brother who was playing video games. "Big brother whats the first letter of the alphabet?". His big brother then said to the little boy "Shut up retard i`m sick of listening to you!". Then the little boy went on to his second brother who was watching batman. " Big brother what`s the second letter of the alphabet?". The older brother who obviously wasn`t paying attention said " Na na na na na na na Batman!". The little boy went on to his dad who was watching football and said "Dad whats the t

You know how young children have that special hobby of always asking "Why?" Well, one day I went to the bank to pay some bills, and my 4-year-old daughter did just so. "Mommy, why are we coming here?" "So mommy can pay some bills." "Why?" "So that we can keep our house." "Why?" "So that we won't have to live on the streets." "Why?" "Because that's what will happen if we don't pay for our house." "Why?" "Because that's the way it goes." "Why?" "Why do you keeping asking 'why?'." "...why?" "You're being a nuisance." "Why?" "Because you got that from your father." "Why?" "Because your father is a nuisance." "Why?" "I don't know, you go ask HIM and then tell me why."

Little Tommy ran to his dad and said "Daddy, daddy! Watch me count." Tommy holds up his right hand, and, touching each finger, counts to five. "One, two, three, four, five." "Good!" his dad exclaimed. "Can you count higher?" Tommy pauses to think for a minute, then stretches his hand higher up in the air, past his head. "One, two, three, four, five..."

A mother and a her daughter go to a restaurant for breakfast to celebrate her birthday. The restaurant is known for its imported cheeses. The mother asks, "Would you like some cheese, my angel?" The little girl says,"Sure, but can you take out the holes in the cheese?"

One day Little Jimmy has a dentist appointment. The appointment is during 7:20 to 8:20, which is the first hour of Little Jimmy's school. The appointment went fine, but Little Jimmy's mom had to get up from bed early to take Little Jimmy to his appointment, so she is a little tired. Little Jimmy's mother gives him a note, and she instructs him to give the note to his teacher. Little Jimmy doesn't look at the note, then when he gets into his classroom, he hands the note to his teacher, just as his mother had instructed. His teacher took the note, took a glance at it, then fainted. Little Jimmy and his classmates ran over to her to look at the note to see what all the commotion was. The note r