Category Jokes - Children
Three little boys went into a candy store. "I want two cents worth of jelly beans," the first boy said to the clerk. The clerk frowned. The jelly beans were on the top self, and he didn't like climbing up there just to sell two cents worth, but he did it. When he came down, he put away his ladder and turned to the second boy.
"What will you have?" he asked.
"I'll have two cents worth of jelly beans, too," said the boy. Angrily, the clerk got the ladder and climbed up to get the jelly beans. While he was still up there, he turned to the third boy.
"You don't want two cents worth of jelly beans, do you?" asked the man.
"No, sir," answered the third boy, so the man climbed down and put away
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered:
"It's Adam's suit!"
At Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in the misspelling.
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened read, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history
Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Now, You can handle the situation.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was
known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt m
A teacher was teaching a class about the big bang theory. She asked Billy to go outside and observe his surroundings.
She then asked...
"Billy did you see the sky?"
"Yes", said Billy.
"Did you see the sun?"
"Yes", said the boy.
"Did you see God?"
"No", said the boy.
The Teacher said, "So God really isn't there."
A little girl started to ask Billy some questions.
"Did you see the sky?"
"Yes" was the reply
"Did you see the sun?"
Again, "yes" was the answer.
"Do you see the teacher's brain? Because according to her, she doesn't have one!!!"
The Bathroom Door is Closed. Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions. Wait until I get out.
Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken. I am not trapped. I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times, since you were born, because I was afraid some horrible tragedy might occur while I was in here, but it's been 10 years and I want some PRIVACY.
Do not ask me how long I will be. I will come out when I am done.
Do not bring the phone to the bathroom door.
Do not go running back to the phone yelling, "She's in the BATHROOM!
Do not begin to fight as soon as I go in.
Do not stick your little fingers under the door and wiggle them. This was funny
A mother was driving her kids to school one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old daughter ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the daughter asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The little girl thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
A little boy had just got home from Sunday School and mom was cooking lunch. "Mommy, is it true that before you're born you're just dust and after you die you go back to being dust?"
"That's right son, why?"
"Well that's just what they said at church today."
"Run up stairs and wash your hands son, lunch will be ready in a few minutes."
About 10 minutes went by and she called out for him to come down. "I'll be there in a minute." As they were about to sit down at the table, the little boy asked again about being dust before being born and after you die.
Once again mother said yes son.
The little boy looked at her and said, "then you better get up to my room pretty quick, because so
Home
