Category Jokes - Children
A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I? " Ready to play the game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?" "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"
Joe and Ted finished an exam and talked to each other afterwards.
"I did terrible," said Joe. "I think I was filling in the wrong bubbles!"
"Me too," replied Ted.
"Well, why did you do terrible?" asked Joe.
"I forgot to bring a pencil!"
Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!
Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."
She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.
He then announced, "These aren't
There was a City cop on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
"Nice bike," the cop said "Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little boy said, "He sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the boy a $20.00 ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young boy looked up at the cop and said "Nice horse you got there, Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little boy looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the d*ck goes underneath the horse not on top."
The teacher has set the class an assignment. He stresses the importance of the particular assignment, and that no excuses will be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from that member).
A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?"
The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with:
"Well, Jones, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter:
Mother: "What does the cow say?"
Child: "Moooo!"
Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow."
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"
The wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied,
Child: "Bud."
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.
He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.
He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."
Children in the back of the car cause accidents.
Accidents in the back of the car cause children
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her cart. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother said to her, "No." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Brenda, we just have five of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long now."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "there, there, Brenda, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clam
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