Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

Q: How many blonds does it take to change a light bulb? A: 101, one to hold the lightbulb and 100 to spin the house!

The blonde arrived at work, looking very bleary-eyed and tired. "What's wrong with you?" asked her friend. "I was up half the night," came the reply. "And why was that?" "I was waiting for the cat to come home, so I could put her out for the night."

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? A: They're doing research on black holes.

Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common? A: They both have black roots. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes? A: Peroxide. Q: How do you tell if a bleach blonde did your landscaping? A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, the guy catches a fish. As they're driving home, they're really depressed. The guy turns to his girlfriend and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?" The girlfriend says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didnt catch any more!"

A blonde (let's call her Blonde #1) and her twin sister (let's call her Blonde #2) were celebrating the twin's birthday and Blonde#2 gave Blonde#1 a present. Blonde#1: "Oh, thank you so much! When's your birthday? I have to start planning what to get you!"

A scientist is researching storms, so he goes out to find one. He takes his blonde assistant to help him find one. They drive for miles until they come to some plains. They stop the car and the scientist tells the blonde to look out for tornados. After a few minutes, a cow flies past due to strong winds and the blonde says, "Look! A flying cow!" The scientist writes this down on his notepad but as he does, the car gets swept away by a tornado. The car lands in a ditch after the tornado had gone. The scientist got out and shouted at the blonde, "I thought you were looking out for tornados!" "I was, but after I saw the cow, I was looking for the dish running away with the spoon."

An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep." "I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over." "Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot." A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!" "I don't understand how that could be," said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pill

A blonde went to see her doctor for her annual checkup so the doctor gave her the once over. At the end of the checkup he shone a light in her ear to have a look; amazed, he shook his head and walked away. See below what the doctor had seen. A big sign SPACE FOR RENT.

Q: How do you get a blonde with one arm out of a tree? A: Wave to her

A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife, a blonde, to give me a hand starting the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30mph for it to start. She said "fine!", hopped into her car and drove off. I sat there fuming and wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 40 mph, and I suddenly