A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is no

A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her and said, "You have acute appendicitis." The blonde yelled at the doctor, "I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!"

A blonde was sitting down in a bar one day next to a red-head. Both of them were sitting there having a good time and then the news turned on. The woman reporter shouted out "This just in! A man is at the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!". Then the red-head leans over to the blonde and whispers, "I bet you $50 that the man's gonna jump!" The blonde responds back "That's a bet you have there!". So, both of the women stared at the news waiting to know what's gonna happen. Then, the man jumps! The blonde turns around to the red-head and hands her the $50. The red-head feeling guilty said "I cant take that there money. I saw the news earlier this mornin', I knew he was gonna jump off that t

A brunette, blonde and a redhead walk into a bar. The bartender tells them there is a magic mirror in the back room and if you stand in front of it and say something you think that's true you'll get something nice. But if you lie you'll be sucked in, never to be heard from again. The brunette says, "I think I am the prettiest person in the bar," and she gets a brand new Corvette. The redhead says, "I think I am the smartest person in the bar," and she gets 1 million dollars. The blonde says, "I think---" And she disappeared.

There were three blondes living together. Blonde #1 was coming back from grocery shopping, and she dropped her keys. She walked down the stairs to get them, and she said to herself, "Am I going up the stairs or down the stairs?" So she stood there puzzled, the bags of groceries still in her hands. Blonde #2 was taking a bath, and was draining the tub because it was too cold. With her hair still dry she said to herself, "Was I getting in the tub or out of the tub?" She stood there, just thinking about it. Blonde #3 was sitting in the living room in front of the coffee table, and she said to herself, "Knock on wood I'm not as stupid as the other two!" She knocked on the table. "Was that the

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?" "No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest." "So then?" asked the doctor. "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth." "So then?" "Then I put the gun to my ear, a

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes car to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!" "Dear God! Did you try to stop him?" "No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"

There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke. One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb. She spent the whole next day learning all the states and capitals. That night when he got home he told his joke. She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me." He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?" She quickly replied, "M."

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10, 000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10, 000 with a note that said,

A blonde was swerving all over the road, driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?" The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!" The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener."

Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony. "Help, help!" yelled one of the blondes. "Help us, help us!" yelled the other. "Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde. "Good idea," said the other. "Together, together!" they yelled.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell! She's got a grenade in her mouth!