Tech Support: "All right. Now click 'OK'." Customer: "Click 'OK'?" Tech Support: "Yes, click 'OK'." Customer: "Click 'OK'?" Tech Support: "That's right. Click 'OK'." Customer: "So I click 'OK', right?" Tech Support: "Right. Click 'OK'." Pause. Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'." Tech Support: "YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'???" Customer: "That's what I was supposed to do, right?" Tech Support: "No, you were supposed to click 'OK'." Customer: "I thought you said to click 'Cancel'." Tech Support: "NO. I said to click 'OK'." Customer: "Oh." Tech Support: "Now we have to start over." Customer: "Why?" Tech Support: "Because you clicked 'Cancel'." Customer: "Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?" Tech Support:

From Harper's Magazine: Amount of pizza eaten each day in U.S. (acres): 75.

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should forward this warning to five friends. If yo

Recently the following undocumented Windows 98 error-codes were found. Microsoft forgot to explain them in the manuals, so they will be spread via the Internet: WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file WinErr: 004 Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God only knows what has happened WinErr: 00A Promotional literature

We regret to inform you, but by opening this email, you have just received the 'Idiot Computer Virus'. Since our staff does not have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all files from your hard drive immediately, then manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thank You

The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. When the guided tour arrived, a salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This baby here," he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. Ask it any question you wish and it will give you an intelligent answer." A smartass stepped forward and asked the computer, "Where is my father?" Immediately, the electronic gears went to work. Lights flashed, wheels buzzed and within seconds, a small card popped out. The card read, "Fishing Off Florida." "Ha!" laughed the smartass. "Actually, my father is dead! That was a trick question." The quick thinking salesman immediately replied that he was sorry the an

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES FROM: SYSTEM'S ADMINISTRATOR SUBJECT: WARNING! C-NILE VIRUS ... MUST READ: Just learned about this from a reliable source. It seems that there is a computer virus out there called the "C-Nile Virus" that even the most advanced programs from Norton cannot take care of, so be warned. It appears to affect those of us who were born before 1958. Symptoms of the C-Nile Virus: 1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. 2. Causes you to send blank e-mail. 3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. 4. Causes you to send e-mail back to the person who sent it to you. 5. Causes you to send e-mail to other listed persons who received the e-mail from the person who sent

E-Mail Screw-ups. Many Universities, colleges and businesses tend to strip the last name down to 6 characters and add the first and last initial to either the begining or end to make up an e-mail address, i.e. Mary L. Ferguson = mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the problems that may cause when you have a large and diverse pool of people to choose from. Add to that a large database of company/college acronyms and you have some very funny addresses (probably not funny to the individual involved). Some examples follow: Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) [email protected] Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University) [email protected] George David Blowmer (Drop

Bill Gates "Notes to self" * Next time my wife says to buy china, she means dishes. * When my son asks for a golf club for his birthday, he means a putter, not a golf course. * When my wife asks for diamonds, she wants ones that will fit on a necklace. * Don't forget to tip the valet who pushes around your cart at the grocery store. * If someone offers you a drink, don't ask when we're eating dinner. * When my daughter asks for an iPod, don't try to buy her the whole company.

A grandfather bought a hobby-horse by mail order as a Christmas present for his granddaughter. The toy arrived in 189 pieces. The instructions said that it could be put together in an hour; however, it took the old man two days to assemble the toy. Finally, when it was all put together, he wrote a check, cut it into 189 pieces and mailed it to the company.

Q: Why do Hondas and Hyundais have standard rear-window defoggers? A: So your hands don't get cold when you're pushing them. Q: What is the difference between a Porsche and a Porcupine? A: With a Porsche, the pricks are on the inside.

The following are real excerpts from Help Desk logs at real corporations. Or are they? 1. Help Desk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... 2. Help Desk: And now hit F8. Customer: It's not working. Help Desk: What did you do, exactly? Customer: I hit the 'F' key 8 times as you told me, but nothing's happening... 3. Hi, good afternoon, this is Elaine. I can't print. Every time I try, it says, 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it... 4. Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Help Desk: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's rea