Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bookie Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team. Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players. Abbott: I certainly do. Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team. Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names. Costello: You mean funny names? Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean... Costello: His brother Daffy. Abbott: Daffy Dean... Costello: And their French cousin.

What does the "O" and the "N" stand for in 'CLEMSON'? The "O" is for honor, and the "N" for knowledge.

About four or five years ago I was standing in a ticket line at LAX, and a fellow in a line parallel to mine had a golf bag slung over his shoulder. Since the line was long and airline ticketing is a slow process at best, we struck up a conversation. He brightened when I admired his golf bag, and he proudly stated that he was on the PGA Tour. Then he turned to me and asked the question all golfers ask: "Do you play?" I shook my head, "I used to, but I quit because I wasn't very good. I shot consistently in the low seventies." There was a long, low in-take of breath, then "The low seventies?" "Yes," I admitted. "Consistently?" he queried admiringly. "Every hole," I confessed.

Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back!

The Laws Of Golf LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, th

1. The Yankees General Manager's name is Brian Cashman. 2. Barry Bonds' initals are BB, the abreviation for a walk is also BB.

Lisa was playing bowling with her friend Marie. Lisa got a strike, then one more strike. Then, she got another strike. She had just gotten 3 strikes in a row! "I just got 3 strikes in a row!" said Lisa. Marie said, "You're out, you just got 3 strikes in a row!"

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom. Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where upon the head starts coughing and sputtering. Eventually the head catches his breath

*Famous Sports Quotes* "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." - Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle" - Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." - Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker "You guys line up alphabetically by height!" - Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach "I play footba

As is known, there is a large leper colony in Hawaii. To help ease the pain the patients have while there, a hockey rink was built to provide them entertainment. Only problem was that only one game ever got played on the rink. Within two minutes of game time, there was a face off in the corner.

I was eating a fruit rollup once, you know, with the paper on the bottom...well the instructions were "Do not eat paper." Noooo! I thought the paper was part of the snack!!

If you ask a Bears fan what his or her two favorite teams are they would be: - The Bears - And whoever the Green Bay Packers are playing.