Legendary football announcer Keith Jackson was in Texas to announce a college football game when he noticed a special telephone near the Longhorn's bench. He asked a nearby Texas player what it was for, and was told that it was the "hotline to God." Keith asked if he could use it. The player told him, "Sure, but it will cost you $10." Keith scratched his head and thought, "What the heck, I need a break picking games." He pulled out his wallet and paid the $10. Keith was perfect that week with his football picks. The next week Mr. Jackson was in Florida when he noticed the same kind of telephone on the FSU bench. He again asked what the telephone was for and was told, "It's the hotline to

Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked the second, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with such a strong player. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!

A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always lose control at the same point in every game." "When is that?" "Right after the National Anthem."

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow -- even during a hurricane! -- here is a valuable tip: Your life is in trouble.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.

Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit it onto all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out, and for no reason at all, you really stink.

I play in the low 80's. If it is hotter than that, I won't play.

Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously, it won't work -- and both are expensive.

In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers. They shoot a six, yell fore, and write five.

This guy and a girl were in a golf cart and the guy drops his tees out of his pocket and the lady asks what is he doing? So, the guy says: I put my balls on them and I drive them.