College Entrance Exam, Football-Player Version Time Limit: 3 Weeks Name: _____________________________ 1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. 3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to ___ (a) build a bridge ___ (b) sail the ocean ___ (c) lead an army or ___ (d) WRITE A PLAY 4. What religion is the Pope? ___ (a) Jewish ___ (b) Catholic ___ (c) Hindu ___ (d) Polish ___ (e) Agnostic (check only one) 5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters? 6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and th

On a golf tour in Ireland , Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are those?" asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger. "Well, what on the good earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving" says Tiger. "Frickin 'eck" says the Irishman, "BMW think

Beckham went into training one day and saw Owen with a thermo-flask. He asked him what it was for and Owen said "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold". The next day Beckham came into training with a thrmo-flask. So Owen asked him what he had in it. He said "well you said it kept hot things hot, and cold things cold so Posh told me to put in some coffee and enough choc-ices for the lads but when I looked into the thermo-flask, when I got here, the choc-ices had melted!"

A woman was watching her son pitch in a little league baseball. He wasn't very good, walking all of the batters that came up to bat, but after every pitch, the mom was yelling wildy and cheering her wonderful son on. Because of all the batters he had walked, the score was 14-0 in the 1st inning. Finally, one little boy came up, hit a grounder, and made it safely to first. "Dang it," the mother muttered, "there goes his no-hitter."

A golfer hooks his drive into the woods to the left of the fairway. While looking for his ball he happens upon a leprechaun. The leprechaun asks him, "How's your round of golf is going?" The golfer admits, "I'm having one of my worst rounds ever." The leprechaun zaps the golfer with a magic spell. The leprechaun then asks, "How's your sex life doing?" The golfer replies, "In all honesty, I haven't had any in years." So, the leprechaun zaps him with another spell. The golfer goes on to have his best round ever. Two months later the golfer is playing the same course. He checks to see if the leprechaun is still around. Sure enough, he spots him in the woods. The leprechaun asks, "How's your g

Jesus and Moses are playing golf. On the 5th hole, a shot over water to an island green, Moses hits his 6-iron and it lands perfectly on the green. Jesus takes out his 7-iron and begins tee-ing it up. Moses says: "The 7 isn't enough club. It'll go in the water" Jesus replies: "If Tiger Woods can do it, I can do it." He swings the 7-iron and sure enough, straight in the drink. He tees up a second ball and grabs his 7-iron again. Again Moses reminds him of his previous attempt and Jesus says, "If Tiger Woods can do it, I can do it." "PLOP" in the water, it goes again. He continues this until he has hit all his golf balls into the water. At this point, he begins walking out on the water l

"My friend," said St. Peter to the recently deceased, "you did lead an exemplary life on earth - but there is one instance of your taking the name of The Lord in vain. Would you care to tell us about it?" "I recall," replied the new applicant, "it was in 1965 on the last hole at Pinehurst. I only needed a par four to break 70 for the first time in my life." "Was your drive good?" asked St. Peter, with increasing interest. "Right down the middle. But when I got to my ball, it was plugged deep in a wet rut made by a drunk's golf cart." "Oh dear," said St. Peter, "A real sucker! Is that when you..." "No. I'm pretty good with a 3-iron. I played the ball close to my feet, caught the swe

The Pope met with the Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, leader of the Jewish nation. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed as he had never held a golf club in his life. "Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "We'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres....we can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honoured and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the m

A young man is playing golf with a priest. At a short hole the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole son?" The young man says, "An eight iron, father. How about you?" The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray." The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards. The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."

A country club didn't allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week. The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's club, and became active. After about 6 months, the club board received a letter from the women's club complaining about the men urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter. After another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action. After due deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges!

Four guys who worked together always golfed as a group at 7 a.m. Sunday. But one of them got transferred, and they were talking about trying to fill out the foursome. A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to golf, can I join the group?" They were hesitant but said she could come once to try it. She said "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or quarter to seven." She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up setting a course record with a 7-under-par round. The guys went nuts and everyone in the clubhouse congratulated her. Meanwhile, she was fun and pleasant the entire round. The guys happily invited her back the next week and she said "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or quarter to 7." Agai

A man went to a strange town to be the guest speaker at a business meeting. When he arrived at his Motel, he found he had a lot of time before the meeting so he got the directions for a nearby golf course from the clerk. While playing on the front nine, he thought over his impending speech and became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained the situation and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened and he approached he