god told moses to come forth but he tripped on a banana peel and came fifth

Mik:Darn it! There's only 2 chips in my bowl.Damn you,chips! Mak: Aargh! you made me so angry I am gonna punch them! Mak punches the chips. Mik: WHOAH! you made 2 big chips into 20 small ones! Mak: I AM JESUS OF THE DORITOS!!

Little Katie was at Sunday school one day. The teacher asked the class "Who is someone in your life that worships God by always speaking His name?" Little Katie raised her hand and said "The fifth grade teacher at my school! Every time we pass by her room on the way to art I hear her say "I swear to God I have the worst behaved class in the world!"

Billy was walking in a shopping center with his mom, and suddenly she stopped to pick up a penny. When she reached out for it, he saw armpit hair. Frightened, he said, "You're not my mom! I'm calling the police." The man pulled off his mask and said, "Okay, you got me. But tell me one thing. How did you know I wasn't your mom?" "Because my mom's not Jewish."

So I asked a religious truck driver what his CB handle is. His answer: "My handle's 'Messiah'." (Get it? Sounds like "Handel's Messiah.")

Me: "That will be 17.50, please." Customer: "Are you a Christian, dear?" Me: "Why do you ask?" Customer: "Are you?" Me: "Well, no. Why do you want to know?" Customer: "Oh. I would like to be helped by someone else, please." Manager: "Good morning ma'am, I hear you've been having a problem with the clerk?" Customer: "Oh, she didn't make any trouble, it's just that I don't want my money to be handled by someone not of the faith. You should be careful, she'll probably nick from the till when you're not looking." Manager: "You're right, ma'am, I shall definitely have to reprimand her." Me: *surprised* "What for?" Manager: "For failing to notice that the lady was not planning on paying