A man arrives at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells him that he will remain frozen until his whole family is there. That way, it would stop him from doing anything NOT with his family. So, a couple years pass, and his wife appeared in heaven. She had died of age. She was frozen along with her spouse. One more year passes, and one of their two kids arrive. He had died because he was shot. He was frozen along with them. They all watch many more people enter heaven. They suddenly saw the milkman enter heaven. He did NOT have any family; he was adopted. But for some reason, he was frozen along with them. The woman and the milkman's eyes each grew very big. Finally, the last

There are 3 religious truths: Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian Faith Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters

A rich American tourist was holidaying in Rome, and was intent on seeing the Pope. There he stood, in a big long line with a rather expensive suit on, hoping the Pope would notice how smart he was and perhaps talk a few words with him. As the Pope made his way slowly down the line, he walked right past the American, hardly even noticing him. The Pope then stopped next to a low-life sot, leaned over and whispered something in the sot's ear, and made his way on again. This really angered the American. After speaking with the drunkard, the American agreed to pay $1000 dollars to exchange clothing, in the hope that the Pope would speak to him the next day. The next morning the American sto

A young lady came home from a date looking rather sad. She told her mother, "Arthur proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

A man worked at a gas station out in the middle of nowhere. One day when he was driving home from work, he ran out of gas (how ironic). So the man walks and walks and eventually he comes upon a monastery. He asks a monk at the monastery, "Can I stay here over night? My car ran out of gas." The monk replies, "You may; but you musn't come out of your room between the hours of 12 midnight and 6 am." The man replies, "That's fine with me." The monk takes him to his room, and the man falls asleep. About 12 midnight the man is roused from his sleep by a horrible groaning noise that was coming from the basement. He gets out of his bed to see what it is, but remembers the monk saying that he

Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God. ... "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!" Bill replied: "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?" God said: "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" asked Bill. God said: "I'm going

The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, took a good look at the girl and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. He asks a priest for his opinion on this question. The priest says after consulting the Bible, "My son, after an exhaustive search I am positive sex is work and is not permitted on Sundays." The man thinks: "What does a priest know of sex?" He goes to a minister, a married man, experienced, for the answer. He queries the minister and receives the same reply; Sex is work and not for the Sabbath! Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge - A rabbi. The rabbi ponders the question and states, "My son, sex is definitely

A man dies and finds himself standing third in line at the Pearly Gates. The Angel explains that admission requirements are now a bit more strict, as a few slum landlords and con artists have managed to slip into Heaven without being detected. He queries the first candidate: "What was your annual salary, and what was your profession?" "I made $150,000 as an Attorney" comes the reply. "You may enter" says the Angel. Second candidate, same question. "I made $95,000; I was a realtor." He is also permitted to enter. Now it is the third man's turn. "My annual salary was $8,000." "Cool!" replies the Angel, "and what instrument did you play?"

Pope John Paul II gets to heaven. St. Peter says, "Frankly, you're lucky to be here." The Pope says, "Why? What did I do wrong on earth?" St. Peter says, "God was very angry with your stance on women becoming priests." The Pope says, "He's mad about THAT?" St. Peter says, "She's furious."

Walking by, a minister saw his 5-year-old son and playmates find a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, the children had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn... and into the hole he gooooes."

A young girl had just begun to go to a new Christian church group. She had been going for a couple of weeks now, and at one session their leaders were talking about when they found Jesus in their lives. One of her leaders had started saying: "When I was your age, I had just gotten Jesus in my life." She replied, "Well, how long has it been that you have had Jesus in your life?" He replied, "35 years of my life." Then she said,"God Damn, that's a long time"