A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called este." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something

It seems that upon passing away, a Texan found himself at the legendary Pearly Gates, and St. Peter himself was in attendance to personally greet him! After the usual checklist and verifications, St. Peter made some small talk and commented that he had heard that in Texas, everything is big. The Texan agreed and responded saying, "Yup, everything is big in Texas." "Well," said St. Peter, "we've got some pretty big things up here in Heaven too." He then led the Texan to a farm where cabbages were as big as Volkswagens and the carrots towered over them like redwood trees. "Pretty impressive eh?" said St. Peter. The Texan smiled and remarked, "Yes sir Mr. Peter, they are some pretty big vegeta

Dear Friend, The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is...and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, t

The founder of the Harley  Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went  to heaven.    At the gates, St. Peter told  Arthur, "You've been a good man and your motorcycles have changed the  world. Your reward is, you can hang  out with anyone you want in Heaven."   Arthur thought about it for a  minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the  Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and  commented, "So you were the one who  invented the Harley Davidson motorcycles, eh?"   Arthur said, "Yeah, that's  me..." God commented, "Well, what's the big deal about inventing something  that's pretty unstable, m

After a hardy Indiana rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window. The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole. As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic. "Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!" she says as she shook the older boy in anger. "We were just playing 'church' mommy," he said. "I was baptizing him in the name of the Father, the Son and in the hole-he-goes."

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said. "No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."

A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"

When Mother Teresa died and went to heaven, God greeted her at the Pearly Gates. "Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asked God. "I could eat," Mother Teresa replied. So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet. The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal. Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see the denizens of Hell enjoying lamb, turkey, venison, and delicious desserts. Still she said nothing. The follo

Jesus, Moses and an Old Man with a long gray beard, in overalls were playing golf. Moses tees off and his ball lands 5 inches from the hole. "Nice shot, Moses," says Jesus. Next, Jesus tees off. His ball lands 2 inches from the hole. "Well, you were closer that I was," said Moses. Next the old man tees off. As he is chewing on a piece of straw, he watches his ball head straight for the water hazard, where it is immediately swallowed by a fish. Just as the fish jumps up to swallow the ball, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish. As the eagle is flying away, a lightning bolt strikes him and he drops the fish. The fish lands about 10 inches from the hole and the ball pops out and rolls right

A priest and a minister were going on vacation (seperately) when their flight got postponed. They meet each other and deside to go across the street to a bar until their flight. Little did they know, it was a gay bar. When a man started hitting on the priest he grew fruious and the gay man stalked off. A little while later a big, buff man walks over to the priest and says "Why the Hell did you start screaming at my boyfriend for no reason?" The minister, seeing that the priest was at a loss of words, takes the big man out of earshot of the priest and talks to him. After he comes back without the big man, the priest asks him, "What did you say to him?" The minister calmly repies "I told him

These are actual announcements from church... 1. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. 2. Tuesday at 4:00 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, please come early. 3. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing, "Put me in My Little Bed", accompanied by the pastor. 4. Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study. 5. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Smith to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. 6. The service will clo

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the