You are a redneck if: you've ever gotten a headache reading the newspaper.

You are a redneck if: you've ever dislodged a sunflower seed from the corner of your eye.

You should have no doubt in your mind that you are in a redneck family..... When your uncle drunkenly approaches you, slaps you on the back, grabs your face and murmurs "Heaeh kiiiiiiid, I think it's a good thing I used a condum. And walks off slowy, mumbling. "Cause your mamoo gets realy piiist when she's pregnant........" And in disbelief, you look around to find your mom.

You might just be a redneck if your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

You are a redneck if: You've ever carved a gunstock out of a bedpost.

You might be a redneck if your dad bought you a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for Christmas.

If you haven't read this joke

You are a redneck if: You think the following is funny You haven't read the joke "You are a Redneck If... #900".

You might be a redneck if your baby stroller consists of a potato sack and a wheelbarrow.

Q: How does a redneck take a bubble bath? A: He farts in a puddle

How to install a wireless security system: Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots, a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it, a really big dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like, "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in 1/2 an hr. Don't disturb the pit bulls. They've just been wormed and they are a little edgy."

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy." He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed,