You are a redneck if: you've ever held a lifelong grudge over a spelling bee.

You are a redneck if: you've ever gotten a headache reading the newspaper.

You are a redneck if: you've ever dislodged a sunflower seed from the corner of your eye.

You should have no doubt in your mind that you are in a redneck family..... When your uncle drunkenly approaches you, slaps you on the back, grabs your face and murmurs "Heaeh kiiiiiiid, I think it's a good thing I used a condum. And walks off slowy, mumbling. "Cause your mamoo gets realy piiist when she's pregnant........" And in disbelief, you look around to find your mom.

You might just be a redneck if your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

You are a redneck if: You've ever carved a gunstock out of a bedpost.

You might be a redneck if your dad bought you a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for Christmas.

If you haven't read this joke

You are a redneck if: You think the following is funny You haven't read the joke "You are a Redneck If... #900".

You might be a redneck if your baby stroller consists of a potato sack and a wheelbarrow.

Q: How does a redneck take a bubble bath? A: He farts in a puddle

How to install a wireless security system: Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots, a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it, a really big dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like, "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in 1/2 an hr. Don't disturb the pit bulls. They've just been wormed and they are a little edgy."