While visiting a relative in Chicago, a University of Alabama student went to a party where he met a very attractive co-ed. Attempting to strike up a conversation with her, he asked, "Where does you go to school?" The co-ed, not at all impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, thought she would at least be polite and answer. "Yale," she said. Taking a deep breath, the UA student shouted, "I says, where does you go to school?"

Why do the Arkansas cheerleaders wear bibs? To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.

Bubba finally agreed to take his wife, Sue Ellen, to a play. They had hardly sat down when he jumped up and said "Sue Ellen, we gotta go!" With Sue Ellen in tow, Bubba stomped out to the foyer, demanded his money back, and they left the theater. When they got out onto the sidewalk, Sue Ellen said, "Now you tell me what's wrong, Bubba Leroy, and you tell me right now, or I ain't goin' another step." Bubba said, "Sue Ellen, I ain't no fool and I'm an only child. We done paid $20 of egg money for this here play and I heard somebody say that the second act was 10 years later! We ain't got that kinda money to be wastin' on play actin' when we ain't even sure where we gonna be in 10 years."

Your email address ends in "@over.yonder.com". You have a bumper sticker on your truck that says "My other computer is a laptop". You've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular phone. Your spell checker knows words like, "Y'all", "Yonder" and "Reckon". You've ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer on. Your laptop has a sticker on it that says "Protected by Smith & Wesson". You've used jumper cables to wire your network. Your wife said "either she or the computer had to go" and you still don't miss her. You start all your emails with "Hey Bubba", or "Howdy Y'all".

A detachment of paratroopers was practicing in a rural area. One jumper landed on the property of an old mountain man and his very large family. One of the kids saw the chute floating down and yelled out to his father, "Pa, bring your shotgun. The stork is bringing 'em full grown now!"

Just before a new redneck had his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, "Count to ten, and then pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for your auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up." The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened. He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened. As he plummeted to the ground, he said to himself, "I'll bet that truck won't be there either!"

"If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits."

Here in the Kentucky hills, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge and into the wind he goes! Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Abner were sitting on the porch swing, talking bout the good old days when Maw spots the biggest bird she has ever seen! "Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims. Paw raises up; "Get my gun, Maw." Maw runs into the house, brings out his pump action shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG..BANG..BANG...BANG! The monster-size bird continues to sail silently over the treetops.

Redneck Threats: - I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtalk style. - This'll jar your preserves. - Don't you be making' me open a can o' whoop-ass on yaw!

Ah - The things you see with. Ay-rab - The people who inhabit much of North Africa. Bidness - The art of selling something for more than you paid for it. Bobbycue - A delectable Southern sandwich of chopped pork, coleslaw, and a fiery sauce. Bud - Small feathered creature that flies. Chekatawfarya - Heard at service stations in small Southern towns. Co-Cola - Soft drink. Crine - Weeping. Dawfins - Name of the professional football team in Miami. Doc - A condition caused by the absence of light. Etlanna - The city General Sherman burned during the war for Southern independence. Everthang - All-encompassing. Foller - Spies and private detectives spend a lot of time doing this. Git - To acquire

Gull - A young female. Hale - Where General Sherman went for what he did to Etlanna. Moanin - Between daybreak and noon. Motuhsickle - A two-wheeled missile with a powerful engine. Nekkid - To be unclothed. Ovair - In that direction. Own - Instead of awf. Phrasin - Very cold. Sebmup - Soft drink similar to ginger ale. Show - "It show is hot today." Spearmint - Something scientist do. Stow - Place where things are sold. Tal - What you dry off with after you take a share. Uhmukin - Someone who lives in the United States of Uhmurka. Zackly – Precisely.

Redneck Compliments - Cute as a sack full of puppies. - If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it. - Gooder than grits.