Aig - What a hen lays. Aints - He's got aints in his paints. Paints - What cha put on your laigs of a morning. Arn - Ma's tard of arnin. Bag - He bagged her to marry him. Bobbed - A bobbed wire fence. Bresh - He had a bresh with the law, and the law won. Bub - the light bub burned out. Cheer - What you set in. Crick - A small stream. Clum - He sure clum that tree fastern any 'coon. Chiny - country over in Asia. Chuch duds - Sunday go-to-meetin clothes. Core - He got hisself a new Ford core. Cyow - Animal on Farm. Deppity - He helps out the shurf.. Dribbed - He dribbed milk on his shirt. Dainz - Satidy night social. Ellum - A graceful tree. Fanger - What you put your rang on. Faince - Whats r

Far - What get the brandin arn hot. Furred - He got furred from his job. Flar - A rose is a purdy flar. Frash - Them aigs ain't frash. Furiners - All non-'bamans. Further - Hits ten miles further to town. Grain - She was grain with envy. Hail - Where bad folks go. Hep - Poor George, he can't hep it, he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Hern - It aint hern, it's his'n. Hilbilly - People in the next county. Hollar – What's between the hills. Hard - Got a brend new hard. Tar - His core blew a tar. Laymun - A sour fruit. Laig - Most folks have two of them. Lather - What you climb up. Liberry - Where you go to check out books for larnin. Mailk - what you get from cyows. Mere - What yo

Minners - Live bait. Misrus - Married woman. Nar - Opposite of wide. Nayk - Your head sets on it. Nup – No. Orrel - Them hinges need orrel. Ormy - What the sojers go in. Pank - A light red color. Parch - Sit out on the parch and watch the grass grow. Petition - What separate the rooms. Poke - A paper bag or sack. Pokey - What the shurf and deppity puts crimnals in. Salit - A green vegetable. Puppet - What the preacher is in. Purdy - She is purdy as a pitcher. Purt near - Almost; he purt near caught that greased pig. Rang - You wear it on your fanger. Rut - That there tree sure has long ruts. Rah cheer - I was born rah cheer in town.

Rainch - A big cow farm. Rat - Do it rat now! Rench - Rench the soap yourself. Roont - She plum roont her shoes. Salary - A stringy vegetable. Soardeens - Small canned fish. Shar - A light rain. Gully Worsher - A medium heavy rain. Toad strangler - A heavy rain Sody. Pop - A soft drink. Sprang - Water out'n the ground. Shurf - The Shurf put Clem in jail. Storch - This here aprn has too much storch in it. Skeered - that plumb skeered me to death. Thanks - He shore thanks he's smart. Tho - Tho me the ball. Thoat - I shore got a sore thoat. War - A bobbed war fance. Worsh - Go worsh your face. Warter - What you worsh your face in. Yurp - A continent overseas.

Question: What is a Kentucky Virgin? Answer: A really ugly seven year old girl who can run faster than her older brother.

You know you're from Oklahoma if: a tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel. your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. you ever had to switch from heat to A/C in the same day. you see people wear bib overalls at funerals. little smokies are something you serve only for "special occasions". you refer to the capital of Oklahoma as "The City". you know cowpies are not made from beef. someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date. you have know someone who has had one belt buckle bigger than your fist. you aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the sa

The Redneck Oil Change Checklist 1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree. 2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard. 3. Open a beer and drink it. 4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7. Place drain pan under engine. 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9. Give up and use crescent wrench. 10. Unscrew drain plug. 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process. 12. Clean up. 13. Have ano

There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence. He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. His wife asked what was wrong, didn't he intend to go over the bridge and whip Clarence? He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn't realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw the

You might be a redneck if... On stag night, you take a real deer. You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house. Your back porch is bigger than your house. There is more oil in your cap than in your car. You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture. A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat. An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall. You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth. You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips. Your secret family recipe is illegal.

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love sent to me 12- Pack of Bud 11 Rasslin' Tickets 10 tins of Copenhagen 9 Years Probation 8 Holey vests 7 Kissing Cousins 6 Cans of Spam 5 Hunting Hounds 4 Mudgrip tyres 3 Shot Gun Shells 2 more Gaps in Teeth And some parts to a Mustang GT

An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded yes, so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him. The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat." The third patron to come into the restaurant was a redneck on crutches. He hobbled ove

You know you are a redneck when you do not speak your first word until your 18th birthday and that word is WELFARE!.