Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass.

Your parrot can say, "Open up, it's the police!"

You used a cheat sheet during your hunter's safety test.

Your current wife was a bridesmaid at your first wedding.

You think "Going the extra mile" means using toothpaste. You take a bar of soap to your local pool. Your dentures have fillings. Your idea of conservation is moving your Saturday night bath to every other Saturday night. Your wife has ever burnt out an electric razor. Your medical plan is not to get sick.

You know your a redneck if... You tell your kids the facts of life and they interrupt you with corrections. You've ever given your date flowers from a cemetery. You proposed at Denny's. The biggest compliment you got at your wedding was how cute your baby was. You had a marriage license before you had a drivers license. You've ever reused wedding invitations. The last thing your ex-wife ever said to you was "It's me or them dogs." If your wedding invitations ever said "same time same place." At your wedding reception you put Alka-Seltzer in cheap wine to get "Champagne."

You might be a redneck if for your prom you wore a strapless dress but wore a bra that wasn't.

You might be a redneck if you think cauliflower is a phone dating service for flowers.

You've tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy and screwed it up. You name your car the General Lee. You see a sign that says "bridge out" and you try to jump it.

If you name your kids after dead family pets you just might be a redneck!

If you met your wife on a hunting trip you just might be a redneck.

If you have more pets than relatives you just might be a redneck.