Teacher: So class, in the medieval times, the Puritan's ears were cut off if they didn't attend Catholic services. Student: I bet they didn't like the sound of that!

Since workaholics are people addicted to work and chocaholics are people addicted to chocolate, are catholics people addicted to cats?

Q: Why did the witch buy a computer? A: She needed the spellcheck

If Bob the Butcher is 5'11'' what does he weigh? -Meat

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went... then it dawned on me. Reading a book on levitation... couldn't put it down. I should have been sad when I lost my flashlight... but I was de-lighted. I was wondering why the frisbee got bigger as it got closer to me... then it hit me. I gave away dead batteries... free of charge! I had amnesia once... maybe twice. See more: http://punraccoon.tumblr.com/

Child: Mum, can I wear those really nice jeans with the hole in the knee to church? Mother: No honey, you can't wear holy jeans to church!

Have you heard about the sauna that serves food? Their specialty is steamed mussels.

There was a king who was very greedy; he ruled a land called Drid. Every day he would take all the money and food the Drids had that day. This had gone on for years and the Drids were sick of it. One day a rabbi walked into the town and saw that all the people were unhappy. He went to a man and asked him what was wrong. The man replied, "Our king takes all of our food and money and we hardly have anything. He lives wealthily while many of us starve." The rabbi pondered thus for a minute and said to the man, "Gather up all your people. I have an idea." Later that night, all the people were gathered in the town square. The man said to them, "You guys need to stand up for yourselves. Have any

The other day, I heard that a good friend of mine was outside during a thunderstorm and got struck by lightning. I was a bit shocked, but not as much as he was.

Mik and mak are having a pillow fight. Mak whacks mik hard. Mik yells "are you jamaican because ja maican me crazy!"

Two guys are eating a hamburger at a fast food place. 1st Guy- Does your hamburger taste funny? 2nd Guy- No just yours. Mine doesn't have a sense of humor.

One woman to another woman Woman- Those firemen are hot. Other Woman- Yeah they are nice looking. Woman- No. I mean they just came out of that burning building. They're hot.