Category Jokes - Puns
Started a great book the other day - I couldn't put it down.
It's called "The History of Glue"!
Maurice has a business appointment, and he arrives a little early. The receptionist points to a comfortable easy chair and asks him to be seated for a while. Maurice settles down, picks up a glossy magazine opens it, and tries to read.
However, he finds that he cannot concentrate because he is distracted due to a rumpus coming from behind one of the doors leading off the reception area. Maurice goes over to the receptionist and asks, "What's going on in there?"
She replies, "It's a partners' meeting." "But why are they shouting at each other?" Maurice asks. "It's a battle of wits," she replies.
Maurice asks: "Who is in there?" and she answers, "Horowits, Lebowits, Rabbinowits and Abram
Woman: I did something special today.
Man: What?
Woman: I rode on a hippo.
Man: Surely you musn't be kidding.
Woman: Yes I'm not kidding and don't call me Shirley.
A wig factory was broken into last night and a large quantity of wigs was stolen.
Police are combing the area.
I've been out of work for a while, so when I found a job sorting salt and pepper, I was most pleased.
The only drawback is that it's seasonal work.
Going home on the bus one evening a man was whiling away the time by doing a crossword.
Three more men got on the bus at the next stop, and as they passed, one said, "If it's any help to you, 7 Up is lemonade."
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town.
The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked.
As they went along they passed some people
Who remarked it was a shame the old man
Was walking and the boy was riding.
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right,
So they changed positions.
Then, later, they passed some people who remarked,
"What a shame, he makes that little boy walk."
So they then decided they'd both walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought
They were stupid to walk when they had a
Decent donkey to ride.
So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people
Who shamed them by saying how awful to
Put such a load on a poor donke
There was a nearly-new television for sale the other day. It has a 42-inch plasma screen, and I bought it for $50.
The only thing wrong was that there was no volume control - but at that price, I couldn't turn it down!
Little Brother: How long is a strong?
Big Sister: Huh?
Little Brother: Well, I've heard of a week...
A recent immigrant had just completed a training course titled, 'Improve your English' and was taking an oral exam.
The examiner asked him to spell 'cultivate.' Jacob spelled it correctly.
The examiner then asked Jacob to use the word 'cultivate' in a sentence.
Jacob thought about it for a while, then replied, "Last winter, on a very cold day, I was waiting for the bus but it was too cultivate so I walked home."
Route 66 says to the country road: Hey, man, you straight?
Country road says: Heck no, I'm a byway!
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