Pirate Blackbeard's ship license had expired so he went into the shipping license office and got a new one, but on the new one he needed an updated photo of himself. So, Pirate Blackbeard went into the photographer's room and asked to have his photo taken. The photographer obliged and said, "Ok, please pose front on" and took a photo. He need to take another photo so he asked Blackbeard to "Please Poseidon!"

The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new. "Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?" The crew chief said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."

With what kind of bread do elves make their sandwiches? Shortbread!

Clones are people two.

Collecting Unemployment Ole and Sven worked together and both were laid off, so they headed over to the unemployment office. When Ole was asked his occupation, he replied, "Panty stitcher. I sew elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher and found it classed as unskilled labor, so she gave Ole $250 a week unemployment pay. She then asked Sven what his occupation was, and he replied, "Diesel fitter." Looking up diesel fitter, the clerk found it classed as skilled labor, so she gave Sven $500 a week. When Ole found out, he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double the amount that he was. "Panty stitchers are unski

So I said to the taxi driver, "King Arthur's Close." He said, "Don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights." - Tommy Cooper.

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said "Is that the local swimming baths?" He said, "It depends where you're calling from."

When a girl needs advice, why can't her brother help her? Because he can't be a brother and assist her too. (And a sister too!)

Why shouldn't you take a Pokemon in the shower with you? Answer: Because it'll Pikachu! (peek at you...)

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

After Receiving an Invitation to an Inventors' Ball: Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience. Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam. Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco. Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight. Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now must dash."

What does the dentist of the year get? ..A little plaque.