Category Jokes - Puns
My geometry tutor told me, "A six-sided polygon is called a hexagon, a five-sided one is called a pentagon."
"What about two sided ones?" I asked.
"They don't exist," was his response.
"I beg to differ! I think we should just let bi-gons be bi-gons."
One day an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him.
The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, "How sure are ya that she is gonna kill ya? Did she threaten to kill ya?"
"No," replied the nervous immigrant.
"Did ya hear her tell someone else that she's gonna kill ya?"
"No."
"Did someone tell ya that your wife is gonna kill ya?"
"No."
"Then why in God's name did ya think she's gonna kill ya?" asked the exasperated police officer.
"Because I found bottle on dresser and I think she gonna poison me!" He handed the police officer the suspect bottle.
The police officer took one look at the label on
One day two robins walked along the road, planning their day.
Robin #1:Oh my god, we totally have to get some bronzing oil!
Robin #2:Duh, I mean if are going to spend the whole day at the beach we totally have to!
That day while the robins were tanning on the beach a big bad fox came along. He took one look at them and said:
Fox:Mmmm, I love Baskin' Robins!
Our old friend Gladys attended church services one particular Sunday.
The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep.
After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, in an attempt to revive him from his stupor, extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn," to which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one!"
Are part-time band leaders semiconductors?
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Do pilots in a hurry take crash-courses?
How do you get off a nonstop flight?
"Operator? I'd like the number of the Scottish knitwear company in Woven."
"I can't find a town called 'Woven'? Are you sure?"
"Yes. That's what it says on the label - 'Woven in Scotland'."
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Gates of Heaven.
St. Peter said,"I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. What do you pick to be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky mountains."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks,"Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"
"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."
"So be it," says
"Transportation in the Middle Ages" by Orson Cart.
"Growing up in the Balkans" by Hugo Slavia.
"The Outboard Motor Died" by Rhoda Shaw.
"Answering the Questions of the Universe" by Howard I. Know.
"Our Son, Russell, the Chef" by Mr. & Mrs. Upsumgrub.
"How to Write a Mystery Novel" by Paige Turner.
"The Great English Breakfast" by Chris P. Bacon.
"Vacation Spots in the Tropics" by Sandy Beech.
El Nino storms are affecting trade with Asian countries.
A freighter bound for Long Beach Calif. with a cargo of yo-yos got caught in a particularly violent storm and sank 65 times.
There was once a very smart horse.
Anything that was shown him, he mastered easily, until one day, his teachers tried to teach him about rectangular coordinates and he couldn't understand them. All the horse's acquaintances and friends tried to figure out what was the matter and couldn't.
Then a new guy looked at the problem and said, "Of course he can't do it. Why, you're putting Descartes before the horse!"
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