A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young woman. The body was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in her back. The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had happened to the woman. The detective responded, "I think it's obvious. A cereal killer got her!"

A man is walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP.. BUMP... behind him Walking faster he looks back and can make out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him ...BUMP, it goes.. ...BUMP.. ...BUMP.. Terrified, the man begins to run towards his house, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him.. Faster.. FASTER.. BUMP.. BUMP.. BUMP! He runs up to the door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.. However, the coffin crashes through the door - its lid clapping dementedly.. Clappity-BUMP.. Clappity-BUMP.. Clappity-BUMP.. Hot on the heels of the terrified m

Joseph, a rather religous man with a rather large sweet-tooth, had voleentered at the church bake sale. Business was booming, at least around noon, but by two o'clock, it was practically barren. While no one was looking he took a donut from the table. On his way home he started to feel guilty. "It was just one donut," he told himself "just one dollar, thats all." "But it was a dollar that the church should have." Another side told him. It continued this was for the rest of drive. When he got home his wife was setting dinner on the table. It was a beatiful Sunday ham. After dinner she took out a heavenly fresh cherry pie. He refused to eat it. He couldnt even look at another pastry and si

Two bees in their hive on a lovely summer day, and one says to the other, "'Swarm in here, isn't it?"

What did the bald man say when he was given a comb for his birthday? "Oh, thank you! I'll never part with it!"

What do you call the planters guy beating up fruit spread? Peanut battering jelly.

In "The Greatest Story Ever Told", John Wayne played a centurion at the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. One of his lines was, "Truly he is the Son of God!" The director felt John W. wasn't putting enough into it, and asked him to deliver the line again, but with a little more emphasis - "to put some awe into it". "OK," says John, "Awww - truly he is the Son of God!"

Whenever I have to go up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator because one time i was on an escalator and I tripped... So i was falling for an hour and a half.

Q: What type of storage units do underwater computers use? A: Trilo-bytes

Two Arab fathers are showing each other their family photos. One shows the other a picture and says "This is my oldest, he is a martyr. This is my second oldest, he is also a martyr." The other Arab father just sighs and says "Ahh, they blow up so quickly these days!"

You are stuck in a room with absolutely no doors, no windows, and no escape. You are surrounded by 415 inch think metal walls. All you have is a mirror and a table. How do you get out? Well, you look into the mirror. You saw yourself, right? Now, use the saw to chop the table in half. To halves make a whole, so jump through the hole. Then yell at the top of your lungs until your voice is hoarse, then jump on the horse and ride away! =)

Q: What did one chart say to the other? A: "My! You're awfully graphic!"