(to be read aloud) 'Twas in a restaurant they met Romeo and Juliet But Romeo couldn't pay the bill So Romee-owed what Julie ate ("ett").

The masked and armed man entered the bank. "Nobody move, or you're geography!" shouts the bandit. One of the tellers says, "Don't you mean 'history'?" "Don't change the subject!"

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A sailor came home from his 5-year sea voyage, and had two bird-cages with him. He holds them up, and says to his wife, "Do you want the parrot, or do you want the cockatoo?" She replies, "I'll have the parrot, I've had a cockatoo while you were away!"

Two ships, one carrying lots of red paint, the other carrying lots of purple paint, crashed on a desert island. The drivers are now marooned.

Girl 1: "This morning my dad gave me soap-flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast!" Girl 2: "I bet you were angry with him!" Girl 1: "Angry?! I was foaming at the mouth!"

Special bonus, two for the price of one! The party was in full swing, the drink going down several well-lubricated throats. One of the guests was a Scot, wearing the traditional kilt, and a couple of the more adventurous girls were teasing him, asking him if anything was worn under his kilt. He replied, "No, everything is in perfect working order," and with that, he lifted his kilt to give them a quick flash. "Oh, it's gruesome," said one of the girls. "Have another look," he says, "it's grew some more!"

Why don't lobsters share? They're shellfish.

A man goes to a fancy dress party, dressed from head to toe in green, carrying a woman on his back. The host asks, "What have you come as?" He replies, "I'm a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle!" The host says, "Why have you a woman on your back?" "Oh, that's Michelle," he replies. (My shell)

I went out to buy a new television, and wanted to buy a locally-made set. The salesman showed me a set I quite liked, and he assured me it was made locally, but I saw through that - clearly printed on the box was "Built in Antenna."

A paper bag goes to his doctor, who says; "Your test results are back, and I'm afraid I have bad news. You have AIDS. "That's impossible," cried the paper bag, "I've not had any form of sexual contact, nor am I a drug user!" "In that case," said the doctor, "your father must have been a carrier."

I tried to walk into Target one day... I missed