A mother complained to a doctor about her daughter's strange eating habits. "All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?" "Don't worry," said the doctor. "Eventually, she'll rise and shine.

Q: Why are hairdressers always on time? A: Because they know all the short cuts!

This guy is walking through Chinatown. He is fascinated with all the Chinese Restaurants, the Chinese shops, the Chinese signs and banners on the buildings. He is having the best time just walking and looking. He turns a corner and sees a building with a sign "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry". "Hans Olaffsen?" he thinks. "How in the world does that fit in here?" He walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, "How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?". The old man answers, "Is name of owner." The visitor asks, "Well, who in the heck is the owner?" "I am he," answers the old man. "You? How in the heck did y

Q: How can you tell when a bucket gets sick? A: It becomes a little pale.

A general store owner hired a young female clerk who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man entered the store, glanced at the clerk and glanced at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he had a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man said. The clerk nodded and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which was located on the very top shelf. The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would be. Once she descended the ladder he mused that he really should get two loa

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine!

There was a big moron and a little moron, sitting on a ledge. The big moron fell off. Why? Because the little moron was a little more on.

Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!

This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare.

Employer: "In this job we need someone who is responsible." Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

Why are there no phone books in China? Because there are so many Wing's and Wong's, they are afraid you will Wing the Wong number.

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."