Category Jokes - Puns
A newlywed couple was walking together, and needed to cross a busy street. They saw Officer Ed. He was controlling traffic, so he said to them in a sarcastic and nasty voice, "Oh, so you just want me to clear traffic so you snots can get across? Oh, sure, I'll do that!"
So the couple starts to thank him, when he says, "I don't know why you're walking on this nasty day, anyway! It's just about to rain!"
The couple looked up in the sky, but didn't see a cloud in sight. They decided not to say anything, and went across the walkway as Officer Ed stopped the traffic.
Although, sure enough, it started to rain as soon as they had crossed. It just so happens that the man and the woman were son
A man was on a game show. He was on his final question; all he had to do was answer that question right, and he would win 1 million dollars!
The game show host said, "All right, for your final question: 'What are the names of three of Santa's reindeer?'"
The man grinned and said, "Dasher!"
The game show host said, "Correct!"
"Comet!"
"Correct! What is the last name?"
The man yelled, "Olive!"
The game show host was confused and said, "Why Olive?"
The contestent looked at him strangely and said, "Oh, don't you know? 'Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names...'"
When I was in high school I had a friend who had a wooden eye (this was a long time ago). He was very insecure about it. Come senior year he didn't have a date for the Prom. There was a beautiful girl he liked, but had a hairlip (this gave her an extreme lisp) we decided to set them up. He goes up to her and asks her out to the Prom. She said, "Oh, wouldn't I, wouldn't I?" and he said, "Hairlip, hairlip." and they never spoke again.
Q: Why are cats similar to sentences?
A: A cat has claws at the end of its paws; a sentence has pause at the end of its clause.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
A: Eileen.
Q: What do you call a boy with one foot in the door?
A: Justin.
Q: What do you call a girl who gambles?
A: Betty.
Q: What do you call a girl with one foot on either side of the river?
A: Bridget.
Q: What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
A: Doug.
Q: What do you call a girl with only one pants leg?
A: Jean.
Q: What do you call a man who's a talented painter?
A: Art.
Q: What do you call a man with a car on his head?
A: Jack.
Q: What do you call a lady in the distance?
A: Dot.
Q: What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
A: Lily.
Q: What do you call a man with numbers down his front?
A: Bill.
Q. What are the strongest days of the week?
A. Saturday and Sunday, because all the rest are week days.
Q: What did the little chick say when his mom laid an orange?
A: Look at the orange-mama-lade!
What' did the bra say to the hat?
You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift.
There was a Mexican family living in Mexico. The father of the family wasn't making very much money and he decided that he and his family were going to move to America in order to live a better life, so the family moved to America.
The Mexican man didn't found a job there, and his family was starving, so he went outside, climbed a hill, and bent down under a pine tree to pray for God to help his family get through their situation.
While he was praying, a black man was coming out of a grocery store on top of the hill. He had a sack in one hand with a wheel of cheese in it. The bag was heavy, and right as the Mexican man was getting up from praying, the bag broke and the wheel of cheese rol
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