Two carrots are walking down the street one day when a car suddenly comes flying around the corner and runs one of them over. At the hospital, the doctor says to the other carrot, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is your friend is going to live. The bad news is he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

What monster was created on April 1? Pranken-stien

A couple of teenagers craving something sweet drove to the nearest Baskin-Robbins. They bought ice cream cones and returned to their car to be comfortable. As they settled back to enjoy themselves, two ravens landed on the front hood and began to caw and flutter, and to peck at the windshield. The young man finally figured out what they wanted. He finished his ice cream, opened the window, and put his empty cone on the hood. The birds immediately settled down to eat. "You're wonderful," said his girlfriend. "How did you ever think of that?" "Nothing to it," he replied. "It was just a case of stilling two birds with one cone."

A sailor trying to sneak back to his ship about 3 o'clock in the morning was spotted by a chief petty officer who ordered him to explain his tardiness. The lame explanation didn't work. "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you," the chief said. The sailor began to sweep, but a tern landed on the broom handle and he couldn't continue. He yelled at the bird, but it didn't budge. He finally plucked it off the broom and gave it a toss. But the bird came right back and again landed on the handle. Over and over, the same routine was repeated. A toss, one sweep, and the bird was back. When morning came, the chief also was back. "What have you b

The Mexican was finally caught on the borderline of the US by an American cop. The Mexican begged, "Pleese, siir. I muss stay here in America. I muss!" But the American still wasn't convinced. So, the Mexican pleaded more and more with very bad English. At last, the cop, assuming the Mexican's English couldn't get any worst, said to the Mexican, "I will let you stay if you can use 3 words in one sentence." The Mexican thought for a while, and replied, "Is all right. I say. I say." The cop said, "The words are: Green, pink and yellow." After a few seconds of consideration, the Mexican responded, "Da phone - it rang: Green, green, green. I pink it up and sez, 'yellow?'"

All the numbers went to a party and numbers being what they are, all the evens stayed around each other and all the odds did the same and neither group interacted with each other. Whilst two was chatting to four he noticed zero was on his own in the corner and suggested to four that because zero is sort of even he should be encouraged to mix with even numbers - four agreed. So off went two to invite zero into their little group. "Would you like to join our little group" enquired two, to which zero replied "I have nothing to add!"

Once upon a time in India, the Bengal tiger was on the brink of extinction, due to a vigorous hunting season. So, Prince Naranjahah ordered that no one shall kill another Bengal. Well, this led to the over abundance in zoos and animal shelters, and one day, the tigers broke loose and started attacking the citizens. The citizens then revolted and overthrew the Prince's rule. This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game.

I heard they were going to name a highway after Willie Nelson in Texas... But be Warned: When taking this highway look out for pot holes!

CAT 1- So how'd that milk drinking contest go? CAT 2- Oh, I won by six laps.

Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe. After looking around for a while, He saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor. So, He went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for Him. A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on and it was a perfect fit! He asked how much He owed, but Finkelstein brushed him off: "No, no, no, for the Son of God? There's no charge! However, may I ask for a small favor?" Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor." Jesus readily agreed and as promised, extolled the virtues of His Finke

BOB: Hey, I ran into George the other day. JOE: Oh, really? Was he happy to see you? BOB: Well, we were in our cars at the time...

A rancher walked up to the window at the post office, where a new clerk was sorting mail. "Any mail for Mike Howe?" the rancher asked. The clerk ignored him and the rancher repeated his question in a louder voice. Without looking up, the clerk said, "No, none for your cow and none for your horse, either."