Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind.

"Big foot is blurry... that's the problem!"

"It would be funny if, while performing an abortion, someone yelled 'abort! abort!'"

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Race is just a pigment of the imagination.

If all those sweet young things were laid end to end – I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

Take my wife – please!

If it wasn't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

I have a map of the world... its actual size.

What you humans call 'THE APOCALYPSE', I used to call Sunday Dinner! - Archangel, Gabriel

If your father is a poor man, it's your fate. But, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.