I'm a nobody and nobody is perfect - therefore, I am perfect.

Definition of alien-people from another country.

I was reading an article yesterday that was talking about the University of Michigan. They referred to it as MU. This got me to thinking.... What do they call the University of Florida?

If ham is Canadian bacon, then what the heck do you Canadians call bacon?

BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!

Liners

Why can't you go to the bathroom at a Beatles concert? There's no John.

If you are inventing something, the best way for it to work is to give it a job.

The similarity of all the people that live is that they are alive and they are living.

The thing you need to focus on in your 20's is not getting a bad tattoo. You don't want to be 40 and going, "No, dude, it was different back then - everybody loved SpongeBob."

The reason grandparents and children get along so well is really quite simple: They have a common enemy.

What do Michael Jackson and Speed Racer have in common? They both have a monkey and a small boy in their trunk.