Scanning for viruses...Windows95 found...Please delete.

Double your drive space...Delete Windows95.

Friends don't let friends use Windows95.

If at first you don't succeed...work for Microsoft.

Turn your Pentium into a gameboy...Type "WIN" at the prompt.

Windows95...the best $159 Solitaire game you can buy.

Activate your own virus... type "WIN" at the prompt.

What did the chicken say to the bully? Why don't you peck on someone your own size?

According to the Institute of Incomplete Research, 7 out of 10 people are

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Many of you may be too young to remember U.S. comedian Sam Levenson; he was popular from the 1940s through the mid-1960s. Levenson said things that made sense and it would be a shame if they faded into oblivion, so here are a few of his "nuggets" worth assaying. 1. The first screw to get loose in your head is the one that holds your tongue in place. 2. You're only young once. After that it takes some other excuse for behaving like an idiot. 3. Even if the majority agrees on an idiotic idea, it is still an idiotic idea. 4. There are more important things in life than money. The trouble is they all cost money. 5. On sex education in schools: Let them teach it! If the schools teach sex the

The government has recently issued a statement saying that 18.9 percent of all statistics are false.